


Anything But An Eternity With Him - Sasori and Orochimaru Go Rogue

by PortoDioVilla



Category: Naruto
Genre: Absolute Nightmare, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It, M/M, THE DYNAMIC, gross slime body, rationalfic, sweaterboy, weird puppet body
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:08:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 35,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25717804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PortoDioVilla/pseuds/PortoDioVilla
Summary: Sasori is tasked with supervising Akatsuki's newest recruit, Orochimaru, but they soon find out that they have more in common than they thought. What can two immortal geniuses do with infinite time and the might of the Akatsuki behind them? Who's going to break the news to Deidara? Just how many spare lab coats does Sasori have exactly?  Find out in this fic that explores the very essence of the Naruto universe through the shenanigans of two of its weirdest characters.
Relationships: Orochimaru/Sasori (Naruto)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 58





	1. Introductions, Contortions

In the farthest reaches of the deserts of The Land of Wind, a week’s journey from Sunagakure, buried deep beneath the sand, lies a sprawling, underground complex. Iron walls line iron ceilings and iron floors in a building which is at once a factory, a laboratory, a museum and a temple. In the center of this metal labyrinth lies a natural wellspring, an underground reservoir draining the whole of the desert and rich with chakra. 

It was here that Sasori finally stopped, knelt, and began to draw an intricate summoning circle, as first shown to him by the Fourth Path of Pain. One less experienced in the intricacies of seals and summoning may have found the inscription impossible to reproduce, but Sasori carried it out with mechanical nonchalance. When the inscription was finally complete, he retrieved a vial of his own blood from a compartment in his hollow chest, and performed the summoning jutsu.

The chakra drain was immense, far beyond what Sasori was expecting, and despite his body’s many artificial improvements he found himself grimacing, falling to one knee, as dust and smoke billowed forth from the seal. From the smoke, a black sleeve, trimmed with red emerged. A pale, slender hand uncoiled from the depths of the cloak, helping Sasori to his feet, bringing him face to face with-

Orochimaru.

“Thank you for the transportation, my boy,” Orochimaru purred, watching coyly as Sasori dusted himself off, “Quite a marvelous technique, that. Care to teach me?”

“If you want to learn it, you should ask Pain-sama, not me,” Sasori said, narrowing his eyes. It had been clear from the beginning that his so-called ‘partner’ was obviously just using Akatsuki to amass power, making no attempt to be inconspicuous or conceal his intentions. Nevertheless, despite acknowledging this subterfuge, Pain still seemed determined to keep their newest recruit around. As a result, the meddling had gotten to the point where Pain had privately ordered Sasori to take Orochimaru out of the Akatsuki base entirely to avoid him snooping anymore. Even now Orochimaru tried to glean more from him. It was madness! Madness!

“Now, now, Sasori-kun, play nice,” Orochimaru said smirking, “Aren’t you supposed to introduce me to your-” he paused to gesture ironically at the empty cavern surrounding them- “laboratory?” 

Sasori began to speak, but Orochimaru cut him off, looking around the barely illuminated cave appraisingly, “Don’t get me wrong, I too prefer my workspace to be,” he paused, “... _moist_ , but surely one needs something more than this?” 

“Obviously this isn’t my lab!” Sasori said, his voice rising slightly in volume, _“This,”_ he copied Orochimaru’s gesture, “is a chakra fountain, probably left by the precursors to the Suna ninja, and it’s raw power is so potent that it distorts the very _geometry_ of the surrounding area, to the point where-” he paused, noticing the stupid look of enjoyment on Orochimaru’s face.

“Nevermind,” he huffed, shadow stepping to an iron archway at the edge of the room, “The point is that this place is secluded and secret, which makes it a perfect place to-”

“To hide?” Orochimaru offered, lightly, strolling over to join Sasori.

“No!” Sasori said with definitely too much volume this time. Orochimaru raised his eyebrows but said nothing. 

“No, it’s just a good place to...recharge,” Sasori said at last. As much as the summoning jutsu had drained him to perform, the cost was already being recouped by the ambient chakra that pervaded the cavern air. Since he didn’t eat or sleep, being in a chakra-rich environment was the only way he could regain chakra effectively. 

Still, Sasori thought, that weakness was better kept a secret, especially from the likes of Orochimaru. Sasori allowed himself one more moment, appearing outwardly to be in thought while he soaked up the chakra, and then set out towards the cavern’s exit, gesturing for Orochimaru to follow him. The two ninja made their way through the entrance and into the compound proper, then down one of many branching, iron hallways.

Right away the first hallway through which they traveled began to adopt an incline as they moved away from the complex’s center towards its more functional rooms, which began to appear steadily on either side. The doors were all closed, but Orochimaru could make out nameplates that identified the rooms and described their various purposes. They were things like: “Blank Mannequin Storage,” “Poison Ingredients Storage," “Big Salamander Workshop,” and so on.

“Ah, I wasn’t aware you kept salamanders,” Orochimaru said, trying to make conversation, “I suppose that that tribe would be reasonably common in the desert, which would make it a natural choice for former Suna soldiers. Actually, I’ve heard that some species can breathe fire, is that true? Does your big salamander breathe fire?”

“The salamander is...a puppet,” Sasori said, not concealing his weariness, “They’re all puppets. I exclusively make puppets, that’s my whole thing. Living things are too fragile.” His voice caught on the last word so he hastened to add, “but the salamander one does have pyrotechnic capabilities, yes.” He didn’t look back, hoping Orochimaru would allow silence- a far more comfortable alternative- to reassert itself.

“Ah, the fragility of life,” Orochmaru mused, oblivious to Sasori’s discomfort, “Some would count it as the essence of life’s beauty, a source of meaning in the world. Of course,” he paused, then added lightly, “I gather that you, like me, find beauty in other things.” 

Sasori didn’t respond, but came to a stop in front of one of the doors. Orochimaru stopped to look, seeing a door labelled “Chakra Experimentation Laboratory,” then turned to look back at Sasori. Sasori turned to face him, and the two stood apart, tense, studying each other.

“This is the primary laboratory,” Sasori said, flicking a light switch and illuminating the room before them, “And Pain-sama has instructed me to allow you access to it, and to all my resources. I focus most of my research on developing new poisons and venoms, and so I,” he grimaced but continued, “I invite you to join me. There’s a lot of work to do, and another pair of hands wouldn’t hurt.”

“Well in that case,” Orochimaru said, smiling widely, his pale skin suddenly aglow in the synthetic light, “Let’s stop this chatter and begin. Shall we?”

“Sure, let’s-” Sasori began, but was cut off. 

“Yes, my boy, yes!” Orochimaru said with a flourish, turning quickly and venturing into this newly illuminated sanctum, “Now we begin work on the immortal, unparalleled work that is science!” Sasori rolled his eyes and followed him in.

 _Please_ , he thought, _anything but an eternity with him._

~~~

Sasori regretted saying it the moment the words left his mouth. Of _course_ he shouldn’t have let Orochimaru know about his puppet-body, of _course_ The Snake Sannin would start asking a million questions, and trying to touch it, and subtly trying to poison him, and being even more of a nuisance than before. That much was painfully, painfully obvious in hindsight, but, in Sasori’s defense, he wasn’t used to hiding this particular facet of himself. 

After all, his usual teammates consisted of at least 3 actual zombies these days (he wasn’t sure about Konan, but Pain was definitely not a regular ol' human, and Zetsu seemed more like a temperamental tulip than a human). He was used to being the most human in the room. When Orochimaru asked, “Forgot your gloves, Sasori-kun?” of _course_ he shouldn’t have answered with “It’s ok, my hands are a non-reactive material.” 

This mistake haunted him. 

“But my boy you simply _have_ to tell me more,” Orochimaru pleaded for what seemed like the fifteenth time, “We’re _partners_ , we’re _colleagues_ , sworn _brothers_ in the pursuit of _science_ , the _immortal work_ -”

“No! It’s private information! Go back to work!” Sasori shouted, swatting away Orochimaru’s hand as it reached out to test the puppet body’s verisimilitude. As he did this, a small white snake fell from Orochimaru’s sleeve, landing on the ground then slithering over to bite Sasori’s ankle. It tried valiantly to penetrate the sturdy material of his prosthetic ankle, but found no purchase.

“Please, Sasori-kun, I’m _begging_ you, I’m _on my knees,_ ” Orochimaru said, dropping to his knees and trying covertly to examine the snake’s bite mark, “I’m at your mercy! You _must_ tell me about your secret puppet body, it’s absolutely essential for my work, it’s irreplaceable knowledge, it’s-”

“Stop that right now!” Sasori said, kicking out at the snake and catching Orochimaru squarely in the jaw, sending him tumbling backward into a jumble of his own pale, elongated limbs. “You’ll damage the material! Not to mention I’m sure I told you before that it’s not sanitary to have _live snakes_ running around the lab!”

“Slithering, Sasori-kun, not running,” Orochimaru said, seeming unfazed as his contorted body slowly realigned into a more human posture, “Now please, just one question. Just one _little_ question. Just answer one little question and I’ll be quiet.” 

“No.”

Orochimaru’s neck began to elongate, snaking out from behind Sasori and putting his face directly in front of the red-head’s. “Please. One question.” 

“No.” Sasori turned away, but Orochimaru’s head followed him, bobbing lazily through the air. 

“One question, then I’ll drop it.”

“You should drop it now.”

“I’ll teach you the secrets of immortality.”

“Pass.”

“I will revive your loved ones from the grave, and torture your enemies.”

“I can torture my own enemies, thank you very much.”

“I will...give you a sample of Lord Manda’s venom.”

Sasori paused. That...that could be useful. He looked down at the lethal concoction he was currently brewing. Scorpion venom. Barely strong enough to kill a troop of elephants. Orochimaru’s face glided through the air to hover beside the beaker, raising and lowering his eyebrows suggestively. 

Sasori picked up the beaker of venom and splashed it in Orochimaru’s eyes.

“Arrgggghhh!” Orochimaru screamed, recoiling in mock pain, theatrically swinging his melting visage around the room and splattering viscera all over the lab, “Noooo, I’m one one-thousandth of the way to being fatally wounded, noooooooooo...”

Cartoonishly long arms grasped weakly at the hem of Sasori’s robes, as Orochimaru pleaded weakly, “Please- Sasori-kun- it’s...my dying wish...one question…”

Sasori sighed, and turned around to look at the exaggerated corpse writhing on the laboratory floor. His partner was really making a mess. Again. This was not the first time this charade had played out, and he was running out of functional lab coats. It occured to Sasori that, if nothing else, answering Orochimaru's questions would probably save time in the laundry room. 

“Fine,” Sasori said at last. Instantly Orochimaru’s face literally perked up, eyes shining with childlike anticipation, “If it’ll help me make something that can kill you for good...you can ask one question.”

“Yessssss!” Orochimaru hissed exuberantly, pulling his whole body together and then coiling up into the air with glee. Sasori rolled his eyes and unlatched his left hand. From the hole in his wrist he began vacuuming up white skin slime from the lab benches and beakers. 

“This whole lab has to be cleaned now,” he sighed, but Orochimaru didn’t seem to notice.

“Alright. OK. I’m ready,” the Snake Sannin said at last, taking a few deep breaths and composing himself, “Ready? Are you ready? OK. Whew. OK. My question is this:”

He fixed Sasori in his gaze.

“Where did you find the design for your body?” Orochimaru asked, his face completely serious, his eyes intensely focused.

“The mirror,” Sasori said bluntly, turning away, “What a waste of a question. Next time, try thinking of a hypothesis for your question to answer- that's what we real scientists do. Now, if you could get me 10 litres of that venom to start, I’d like to begin synthesiz-”

“No, NO that’s NOT what I meant, that _doesn’t count_ ,” Orochimarup whined, grabbing and turning Sasori back to face him, “I mean the _design_ . The _schematics._ How were you able to replace your body without severing your connection to the Life Chakra plane? Whatever the technique, it’s utterly unique in the field, as far as I know, and I can think of no means by which it could be achieved.”

Sasori looked back at him puzzled, “I don’t know what you mean by ‘Life Chakra Plane’ but nobody taught me how to do this,” he said, gestureing in the general direction of his own body, “I just started replacing parts bit by bit and stopped when there was nothing left to change.”

Apparently, this was not a satisfactory answer.

“What? What are you talking about? You can’t just put machinery on your body and expect it to respond to chakra!” Orochimaru hissed, throwing his hands up in frustration, “and even if you could perhaps integrate a simple prosthetic, that’s worlds away from replacing _organs_ _and nerve endings!”_

“I didn’t replace any organs and nerve endings though?” Sasori said quizzically, folding his arms and raising one eyebrow, “Since I don’t have any muscles I don’t really need any organs or anything. I just control the parts I need to control using chakra threads. You know, like a puppet? Obviously?”

“Don’t take that tone of voice with me, young man,” Orochimaru snapped, “Your hands and arms are clearly synthetic, and I doubt you have a zombified hand resting somewhere in your chest cavity pulling strings. So how exactly would you control these chakra threads?”

Sasori looked at him like he was speaking another language. “With my brain?”

“Your _brain_ can’t produce fine chakra control-”

“Well the chakra comes from my heart-”

“What do you _mean it comes from your heart!?_ You- You-” Orochimaru gestured frantically as if trying to locate an impossible concept in the space immediately around him.

“Chakra goes from my heart to my brain," Sasori said, speaking slowly as if addressing a small child, "And then my brain controls the chakra threads. Does that make sense? I feel like this is not that hard to grasp.”

“NOT HARD TO GRASP?” Orochimaru screeched, his eyes bulging, “It’s _IMPOSSIBLE_ to grasp! How would you even get chakra threads to attach to-” He paused, for breath, as suddenly a look of horror contorted his face. He struggled for words. 

“Did you...did you perform _brain surgery? ON YOURSELF?”_

Sasori just looked at him.

“No, of course not.”

Orochimaru sighed in relief.

“I used a puppet to do it.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” Orochimaru threw himself at Sasori. 

“Wha-” Sasori said, caught off guard. Before he could react, Orochimaru pinned Sasori to the ground, and started extending his arms and legs. 

“I’m really not OK with this-”

“THEN THAT MAKES TWO OF US, BOY,” The Snake Sannin said, arms extending and constricting Sasori’s movement, restraining him like a squad of python police and a perp. 

From Orochimaru’s sleeve a thin, black snake slithered rapidly across Sasori’s lab coat, up to his collar, and onto his chest. With a great wrenching motion the snake tore open the lab coat and Sasori’s chest compartment, revealing its contents.

“Ahhhh, I _see,_ ” Orochimaru said, his head moving closer to observe the contents of the compartment. As he spoke, a puff of purple gas escaped the compartment, directly into Orochimaru’s face. Immediately his body went limper than usual, and his eyes rolled back in his head. 

Grimacing, Sasori gingerly extracted himself from the many loops of motionless flesh that ensnared him and stood to his feet. With a huff he closed up his chest compartment, and tried in vain to re-button his now severely torn lab coat.

“Motherfucker,” he said under his breath, “that was my last goddamn coat. I have never seen someone with less regard for correct laboratory procedures.” He smirked. “No wonder this guy’s experiment’s all fail-”

“ _EXCUSE ME,”_ came a shrill voice, the sound muffled from inside Orochimaru’s body. With a burst of what could only be described as slime a new, naked body, erupted from the now slack, lifeless jaws of Orochimaru’s corpse, “but my methods have yielded countless groundbreaking results. Obviously.” He gestured at his nudeness, as if to indicate the spectacle of his unauthorized rebirth.

“I must say, however,” he continued, as Sasori watched with deep exasperation, “that that particular contagion is new to me.” He stepped out of his mouth, shaking his leg to remove some leftover slime. “Remind me to analyze my old body for pathogens.”

“ _Please_ put on some clothes.” 

“Ah, of course. Do you have a spare lab coat?”

Sasori sighed and gassed him again.

~~~

“Now listen, Sasori-kun,” Orochimaru began one day as Sasori was sewing up the numerous tears in his lab coats. The puppet-master's speed with a thread was, needles to say, incredible, but the number of coats he had to mend was formidable in its own right. Orochimaru was just watching, having at this point been forbidden from helping with most things, but his expression was mischievous. Sasori remained on guard.

“I recognize that, despite your body being a mechanical marvel and miracle of chakra-engineering, you still somehow don’t want to discuss it,” Sasori nodded as Orochimaru spoke, not looking up from his work, “That’s fine with me. I can keep a secret. But you must admit, my boy...it’s incomplete.”

A mechanized voice sounded from within Sasori’s body, “You are right Orochimaru-senpai. I am listening and I agree with you. Please tell me more.” 

“Well, thank you,” Orochimaru said, somewhat surprised. He was not yet familiar with all of the auto-responder’s dialogue options, “It’s good to be paid some respect around here. Anyway, you hide it well, but I’ve deduced the chief weakness of your little setup.”

Sasori stiffened, but this was difficult to detect due to his naturally rigid frame. Orochimaru for his part didn’t notice, “It’s clear that, despite your combat prowess, you lack a real wellspring of chakra. As far as I can tell, compared to the rest of the Akatsuki you’re like, well, the rest of the Akatsuki compared to me”. Orochimaru paused to chuckle at his own joke.

“Ah, aha, ahaha, ha ha! Another astute observation, Orochimaru-senp-” the autoresponder began to say, but was stopped by Sasori. “Watch what you say, Orochimaru,” Sasori growled, “I am more than powerful enough-”

Orochimaru wasn’t listening. “It’s fairly obvious when you think about it. The way your body is so heavily mechanized for self-defense, but without using any jutsu...quite a glaring weakness indeed. I’m guessing your pitiful chakra is what keeps you from piloting larger puppets too. Isn’t that right?”

Sasori stood up abruptly and turned to face Orochimaru, “I can control _literally hundreds_ of puppets at once,” he said defiantly, “Not to mention The Third Kazekage, who requires a tremendous amount of chakra, thank you, but no, please, tell me more about how much size matters.”

“Now hold on, my boy, that’s a different discussion entirely-”

Sasori didn’t let him continue that line of thought. Reacting faster than thought could alone raised his arm and fired a blade from his palm at Orochimaru’s neck. Orochimaru reacted equally quickly, moving his neck fluidly out of the way by extending it, leaving his head in place.

“Don’t you see? This is what I mean,” Orochimaru said calmly, coiling his neck back up like a scarf as he spoke, “What was that even, compressed air? Why not use a Concussive Blast jutsu?” Orochimaru made a quick series of hand signs and then held a palm out to the side, from which a bullet of air burst forth, making short work of a pile of recently repaired lab coats. 

“See that?” Orochimaru continued, as Sasori looked in horror at six hours of work gone, “Quick, easy, and repeatable. I could perform that jutsu roughly _nine-hundred more times_ and still have chakra left. I know you know how to do it; they teach it to all you Suna soldiers. So why limit yourself to relying on cheap, mechanical tricks?” 

Sasori looked back up at Orochimaru, and found the Snake Sannin looking uncharacteristically stern.

“You’re limited, Sasori-kun,” he said, “and I find that boring.”

“What?” Sasori said, indignation temporarily replacing rage, “You were just saying how _‘miraculous’_ this body is, now it bores you?” Sasori searched Orochimau’s eyes for some kind of narrative thread, flexing the ones running through his own body. 

“Frankly, yes. It bores me. _You_ bore me.” Orochimaru said, dismissively, “I’ll admit it is a miracle that you’re able to survive in a body such as that, but as miracles go it leaves much to be desired.” He examined his fingernails casually while he spoke, “My working theory is that your threads are somehow extracting small amounts of material from your prosthetics, probably through some esoteric combination of seals, mimicking normal human functioning. That would explain why you seem to have no need to eat, despite using chakra.”

“Well I’ve never seen you eating either.”

“I assure you I do.”

“Wait, is that where all my scorpions went?” Sasori’s eyes went wide, “You bastard, I’ve been breeding those for years!” Sasori swung his other arm towards the Snake Sannin, a blade slick with poison extending from his wrist as it moved.

“I am only human, Sasori-kun,” Orochimaru said, shrugging as a snake extended from his sleeve, catching Sasori’s arm in its jaws. 

“Now that’s rich,” Sasori said bitterly, as metal teeth emerged from across his arm, dispelling the summoned snake, “Maybe you were once, but whatever this is,” he gestured with disgust at the man across from him, “it hardly qualifies.”

“Semantics,” Orochimaru said dismissively, “I draw breath from the air, and chakra from the Life Plane, same as you, but that’s irrelevant. What makes me human is my desire to grow. To endure and adapt.”His eyes were soft, even as his expression remained severe. “I thought maybe you could understand that, Sasori-kun.” 

Sasori felt a sudden pang of shame, an unexpected betrayal from his otherwise orderly mind. He was willing to concede that they were similar in some ways. Even so, that didn’t erase the stark differences. The way this new recruit seemed to mock him with his whole existence. Shame gave way effortlessly to disgust.

“I understand more than you know,” he said sourly, “but don’t pretend for a second that you’ve got it all figured out. The way you stumble from body to body, you’re no different than me.”

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment. 

“This body may not be perfect but it’s mine, it’s my _art_ ,” Sasori snarled, “I’ve stuck with it and improved it and built it into something unparalleled in this world, and that’s all that matters. Meanwhile you slip from skin to skin and place to place like the dilettante you are, discarding bodies like you discard your experiments. What I can’t understand, and what I refuse to learn from you, is how to abandon anything and everything that falls short of perfection. You find this body shocking because it is a monument to something you will never obtain: discipline.”

Sasori spit out the last word with bitter disdain, but Orochimaru said nothing. Neither one did.The two men stood in silence across from one another. Impassive. They had fought numerous times before, to a standstill, neither truly showing their claws, neither truly serious. It was clear to both of them, and had been for some time, that to leave, to abandon this pointless conflict, was at all times an option. The only barrier to resolution was their pride, but for the first time it seemed as if Orochimaru’s would falter.

In a different timeline, it did. He would disappear, and leave the organization soon after, rejected and injured, no upper hand to be found. This story, however, is not concerned with that timeline. In this timeline, they stayed together, and everything changed.


	2. Progress!

The two men stood in silence across from one another. Impassive. Neither spoke, and tension continued to rise between them. Sasori was intently focused on the man standing across from him. He could feel each individual chakra thread connected to the various mechanisms in his body, each lying on a hair trigger, ready to fire at his merest thought. The slightest movement from Orochimaru, a shift in his stance, an errant twitch, and Sasori would burst into motion-

_KA-CHUNK_

The sudden, unexplained noise startled Sasori completely, causing him to accidentally trigger several chakra threads, causing senbon to shoot out of his left pinky finger and a grappling hook to fire from his right elbow. Equally surprised, Orochimaru brought his arms up instinctively, shrieking as a deluge of small white snakes erupted from within his sleeves to thwart any would be assailant. 

After a moment, they both realized that indeed, that was not a ninja sound. It was a laundry sound. Both looked around the room, and back at each other.

“Ah,” Orochimaru said, meekly, “Was that-”

“Laundry machine,” Sasori confirmed, gingerly coiling up the length of rope attached to his erroneously fired climbing implement, “That was for the, uh,”

“The many soiled lab coats,” Orochimaru finished, “Heh. Heheh.”

He began to chuckle, and after a moment, Sasori joined in too. What were chuckles became full-on laughs at the sudden break in tension. Then, just as the laughter began to die down, another laundry machine turned on, prompting another laughing fit between the two of them.

“Oh my,” Orochimaru said, between laughs, “Oh goodness, I haven’t laughed like that in a long time.”

“Yeah, haha,” Sasori said, “I legitimately thought I no longer had the ability to. Good to know I still can.” 

“Yes, you can laugh like a madman but you can’t make a Shadow Clone,” Orochimaru teased. Sasori frowned, however, and Orochimaru added quickly, “although I’m certainly not in any place to judge!”

“Hmph, I should think not,” Sasori said, a little moodily, “You’ll probably get bored of that body’s laugh or something and decide it needs to be changed right away.” 

Orochimaru sighed, and looked up at the ceiling, as if contemplating whether or not to speak. Finally, he relented.

“I guess as long as we’re addressing our dirty laundry,” he began, a sliver of a smile showing itself, “I might as well explain my whole deal too.”

“Let me see if I can guess it,” Sasori said, putting a finger to his chin in mock pensive thought, “Aha!” he exclaimed flatly, as a small compartment in his leg opened up and a dull, brown snake slithered out. “Have I captured your essence, Sannin-sama?”

“Haha that’s very cute,” Orochimaru said sarcastically, “Yes, snake-holster on the leg is one of the trade secrets. But what I mean to explain is the body-changing. It has never been...for vanity’s sake.”

Sasori, folded his arms, raising an eyebrow. “Not for vanity’s sake, huh?”

“No, actually,” Orochimaru retorted, “It’s...well it’s a bit of an inverse situation to you. You’ve got a healthy connection to the Life Chakra Plane and no body, and I’ve got a body, but my connection is...less than ideal.”

“You’ll have to explain more than that,” Sasori said, still incredulous, “For one thing, I’ve never heard anyone mention this ‘Life Chakra Plane.’”

“Well that’s because I’ve never published my research into it,” Orochimaru said with a slight grin, “Although since we’re colleagues and you’ve deigned to give me access to your beautiful,” he gestured around the laundry room, “laboratory, I feel as though I can afford to share some of my insights.”

“Alright,” Sasori said, sitting back down at the sewing station, and leaning on one arm, “Share away.”

“Well, where to start?” Orochimaru said grandly, summoning a snake, and then sitting down on it as it coiled into the shape of a stool, “I suppose the most important thing to understand is the idea of Chakra Planes. A plane, to begin with, is a space that exists outside our physical reality. The main plane, other than the physical one we inhabit, is the Pure Chakra Plane. All ninja are familiar with this plane since it is from there that we are able to channel chakra, in particular elemental chakra.”

The Snake Sannin placed his hand on the sewing table. “We can channel elemental chakra because we are connected to the Pure Chakra Plane,” as he spoke, he lifted his hand slowly up from the table and as he did a small mound of dirt formed beneath it, “and as we channel it, we bring chakra into our world, pulling it along our connection, to the physical plane, where it assumes a physical form.”

“Apart from the actions of ninja, elemental chakra is absent from our world,” Orochimaru continued, and as he did so Sasori sensed the flow of chakra from his palm cease, and the mound of dirt Orochimaru had summoned before collapsed down onto the table, “but Pure Chakra is not the only kind of chakra, it is merely the most common, since all ninja are connected to it.”

“In truth, all humans have a connection to the Pure Chakra Plane, not just ninja, and as such anyone can learn to perform basic jutsu, although those born with stronger connections in general make better ninja. Still, some ninja are able to achieve greatness without harnessing any great elemental chakra, for in all ninja and humans alike there exists a connection to another plane: The Life Chakra Plane.”

“The Life Chakra Plane is different from the Pure Chakra Plane in that it lies much, much closer to our world. The two are nearly inseparable, for every living thing in this world has a connection to the Life Chakra Plane. Indeed, this connection is almost synonymous with life itself, for if it is severed, one will die as surely as if one had been stabbed through the heart.”

“Our bodies exist to keep us alive in the physical plane, but through their normal functioning they also provide us chakra from the Life Chakra Plane. Life Chakra is rare to see in its pure form, but you can see its influence in the great feats of stamina and physical strength of which ninja are capable, as well as in the famous Senju and Uzumaki clans.”

“That brings me to, well, you,” Orochimaru said, as he now fixed the red-head in his gaze, “The fact that you yet live despite removing much of your body’s natural chakra recovery mechanisms speaks to a connection to the Life Chakra Plane whose strength I’ve only seen maybe once or twice before. It is...uncanny.”

“Hey now,” Sasori said, glaring at Orochimaru, “this body is absolutely not up for grabs.”

“Of course not,” Orochmaru replied, nodding, “and even if it were, it would be of no use to me. You see, my connection is not so robust as yours, quite the opposite. It is...muddled somehow, fractured. Your connection seems determined to preserve your life, despite your many alterations. Mine, on the other hand, seems determined to do just the opposite,” He paused, then looked down, “It rejects me.”

Sasori looked on, unsure of what to say. He felt a pang of sympathy. 

“So your body-changing,” he ventured, “It’s to...restore your connection to this Life Chakra Plane?”

“Yes, you can think of it that way,” Orochimaru said, looking up, “It’s a bit like removing the thread from one puppet and attaching it to another.”

“That’s a good analogy,” Sasori said, “Can you keep explaining things that way?”

“Well,” Orochimaru sighed, “for you, I suppose I can. Although chakra and our connections to the various chakra planes lack any real substance, you may nevertheless think of them as threads. One end is anchored to our body at birth, and one end is anchored to the chakra planes, in particular the Pure Chakra Plane and the Life Chakra Plane.”

“One’s connection to the various Chakra Planes can be strengthened over time; in the same way that physical training improves one’s muscles, performing jutsu, channeling chakra, and fine chakra control all help to improve the strength of our connection. You can think of these things as making the thread that connects us itself stronger.”

“If that’s true,” Sasori says, “Then why should your connection still be weak? You’ve no doubt trained your chakra more than most.”

“Well, this metaphor will begin to strain its usefulness,” Orochimaru admitted, but, seeing Sasori’s eyes narrow, hastened to add, “But, nonetheless: when it comes to my unique condition, you may think of the problem as lying with the anchoring points. They are frayed, loosened. They threaten to come undone. Indeed, that’s part of why I can employ many of my lesser body replacement techniques so freely: there is less ‘holding my body together’ as it were.”

A thought crossed Sasori’s mind, and without thinking he placed his left hand over his forearm. The action was subconscious, but Orochimaru still noticed, and remarked, “Was there something more, my boy?” 

“Hm. Well, you said you couldn’t steal my body even if you wanted to,” Sasori said slowly, “Why is that? Do you only do female bodies?”

“Ah-”

“Because like, I get it, if that’s how you identify then I support it, but technically you _could_ add like, prosthetic brea-”

“That’s really not-”

“-although it would reduce some of the battle functionality, not to mention making the chest compartment harder to-”

“I ASSURE YOU THAT’S NOT THE REASON WHY,” Orochimaru shouted, “It’s entirely a matter of functionality-”

“Oh. Well, I’ve never considered it but I suppose you could also make one of those if you wanted, although again you’re compromising some key mechanisms if you open a cavit-”

“CHAKRA FUNCTIONALITY, SASORI-KUN,” Orochimaru was blushing furiously but he continued, “without a strong Life connection like yours to guide it, I’m certain no one could survive in that body, least of all me. It has nothing to do with your...aesthetics.”

Sasori took this in for a moment, as Orochimaru composed himself. 

“So then,” the puppetmaster ventured slowly, “what’s with all the female bodies?”

Orochimaru blushed again and looked away. Sasori rolled his eyes, and turned his attention back to the sewing table. 

“For vanity’s sake, huh?”

“...just a little, yes.”

~~~

Over the course of the next few days, as Sasori was constantly reminding his erstwhile lab partner, they had ‘actual real work to do.’ The most pressing actual real work, apparently, was replenishing Sasori’s stock of scorpions. No, that wasn’t just a joke, he really needs them for venom, and no, he can’t just ‘summon more like a normal ninja’ because the Ancient Forgotten Scorpion Tribe hasn’t signed the contract with anyone in generations and they are _not_ having this argument again, so Orochimaru had better get over it.

As such the two ventured out, in uniform of course, to the surrounding dunes to replenish Sasori’s stock and find Orochimaru some real- and not extremely difficult to replace- food. It was, of course, incredibly hot and dry, being that they were in a desert but the climate suited Sasori just fine. Not because he grew up there, but because his synthetic body was more or less immune to the heat, although he wouldn’t admit that to Orochimaru. As for the mighty Sannin, he found the oppressive heat and ubiquitous sand far less tolerable, and complained the entire time they were out of the complex.

“You brought this on yourself,” Sasori said, gesturing for Orochimaru to reach deeper into the latest scorpion nest they had found, “if you were hungry you should have just said something- hey, don’t forget to wriggle your fingers, that’s what attracts them- I could have asked Zetsu-san to bring some food over.”

“If you’re so good at this,” Orochimaru said, through gritted teeth, wincing faintly every couple of seconds, “why don’t you do it? I’m sure the- god DAMN it that hurts- the famous Sasori of the Red Sand would be better than me, a mere novice in the field of Scorpion Extraction.”

“Scientifically impossible,” Sasori replied, “See this?” He let his forearm hang loose as if swinging from a hinge at his elbow, “Rigid material. Can’t wiggle. Wouldn’t work.”

“Nope, no, nope,” Orochimaru huffed, abruptly removing his arm from the hole. The force of the movement sent scorpions flying through the air, although they were deftly plucked from their descent by several waiting chakra threads and deposited into a bucket labelled “Scorpions, DO NOT EAT”.

“Snake-senpai!” Sasori gasped in mock surprise, “Don’t tell me you’re abandoning the task at hand! What about science? What about _the immortal art-_ ”

“No! I’ve had _quite_ enough!” Orochimaru admonished, raising a finger in warning. The finger in question, however, as well as the rest of his hand were so engorged from scorpion venom that the gesture was hard to interpret properly. This set Sasori laughing, which set Orochimaru sulking, a state of affairs which reasserted itself several times over the course of the next few hours while they gathered up the remaining amount of scorpions Sasori deemed necessary and returned to the complex.

“We didn’t get any food for me,” Orochimaru complained later that day, as Sasori finished putting away the newly caught scorpions.

“That’s right,” Sasori said slowly, narrowing his eyes, and moving to block the door to the scorpion enclosure, “if you eat these ones...they’ll sting your heart and you’ll die immediately.”

“Even though that’s not true, for several reasons, I don’t intend to eat them,” Orochimaru said, rolling his eyes, “but I need to eat _something_ so...well, I don’t know how it works but please get Zetsu-san to send me some apples or seeds or whatever nutritious thing he can produce.”

“You want...apples?” Sasori said, incredulously, “You know he can bring you anything, right? Well, anything that we can put in a storage seal for him to carry over. Is this some kind of biblical joke I’m not getting?”

“No,” Orochimaru said, “I just thought that fruit would be the easiest thing for him to make. That makes sense right? Or can he only do lettuce? These Hashirama-types always confuse me.”

Sasori stared at him for a solid minute, the disdain and confusion evident on his face. Several times he began to speak before stopping, a measurable amount of his faith in humanity vaporizing into the air with each frustrated attempt.

“You want to eat Zetsu,” he said at last, the phrase not seeming to compute for him in the slightest even as he said it. 

“Well! I don’t know!” Orochimaru said in exasperation, “He looks like a plant, and he obviously has Hashirama’s DNA, so I thought he could-”

“Orochimaru,” Sasori said sternly, frowning deeply, “Here in the Akatsuki we have certain important rules and one of them is that you can’t eat people. Actually that’s one of the only rules, but that just makes it more important. Request denied.”

“Wait, I just meant that maybe he could _produce_ some frui-”

“We all have to make sacrifices for the sake of our public image, Orochimaru,” Sasori lectured, “This isn’t just my personal preference, so I don’t want you to feel like you’re being unfairly targeted. Kisame and Zetsu were against it too, but rules are rules. No cannibalism.”

“Now see here, Sasori-kun!” Orochimaru snapped, “It is perfectly reasonable for me to expect that one possessing Hashirama’s cells might have the ability to produce vegetation, especially when one is already half a plant! That’s the essence of the Mokuton!”

“That would still be eating his _body_ -”

“It would _not_ , and I am not suggesting anything of the sort! The Mokuton is a _jutsu_ it’s not _literally his body_ -”

“OK OK,” Sasori said, putting his hands up in surrender, “I can see you don’t want to eat dear Zetsu-san. But in my defense, how was I supposed to know you meant a jutsu?”

“Because the Mokuton was Hashirama Senju’s signature ability, obviously! What are they even teaching you in that Suna academy?”

“Uh, not about _Konoha’s Kage’s favourite jutsu-_ ”

“That’s-,” Orochimaru paused, then conceded, “I guess that makes sense. Well, as it happens the Mokuton is a great example of Life Chakra, which we were discussing earlier-”

“Wait a second,” Sasori said, stopping Orochimaru before he could begin lecturing, “How did you know that Zetsu has Hashirama’s chakra? Only sensor-nin can tell people apart by chakra like that. Unless you were intimately familiar with your Shodai Hokage…”

“Well, as a matter of fact I am intimately familiar with the First’s chakra,” Orochimaru replied smugly, “In fact, this ties into what I was about to discuss earlier, in regards to Life Chakra-”

“Is ‘intimately familiar’ one of those idioms that cannibals use to avoid actually saying that they ate someone?”

“It-....No,” Orochimaru sighed, deeply broken, “My familiarity stems from a series of -ultimately unsuccessful- experiments I did in an early attempt to repair my ‘condition.’ I thought that by injecting Hashirama’s cells, which are impossibly rich in Life chakra, into my body I could perhaps stabilize my weak connection.”

“Unfortunately, when I tried this experiment, none of my test subjects survived, so I abandoned the project. Of course, the existence of Zetsu makes me think perhaps I should revisit the idea…”

“Wait, how many test subjects, roughly?”

“I believe there were sixty in total. Why?”

“Well you mentioned your Body-Changing jutsu lasts for about three years. So three times sixty, that’s almost two-hundred years you could have lasted if you were willing to kill a full sixty people.”

“Ah,” Orochimaru said, caught off-guard by the nature of Sasori’s critique, “You misunderstand the point of this particular experiment. First of all, I was testing a hypothesis-”

“Totally valid, continue,” 

“But more importantly the problem I was trying to solve with this experiment was not precisely my weak connection, but rather the fact that that connection prevents me from harnessing Sage Chakra.”

“Ah, I’ve actually heard of that one,” Sasori said, “The Great Scorpion Sages were said to have mastered Sage Chakra in the sands around this very complex.”

“Oh?” Orochimaru said, suddenly intrigued, “I was unaware that another village had been in close enough contact with one of the Animal Tribes to-”

“That was a joke. There were no Great Scorpion Sages. It’s kind of a well-known thing in Suna to joke about the Ancient Forgotten Scorpion Tribe.”

“...Rude,” Orochimaru said, pouting, “Now I’m starved for food and affection.”

“Maa, maa,” Sasori said, rubbing the back of his head, “It was just a joke. Please, tell me about your research into ‘Sage Chakra.’ I’m listening, I promise.” He quietly turned on the auto-responder, the motion concealed by his rubbing, and began to shift focus back to his sewing work.

“Well, where to begin?” Orochimaru said excitedly, pulling out some scrolls adorned with pre-prepared diagrams from within his robe, “I suppose I should explain my system of cursed seals first. Actually, they’re still prototypes, but I’ve gotten them to work on a couple people now and they haven’t died yet. Well, Kiminaro is getting there but that’s not my fault, probably. Actually, I think you too would get along quite well, you see he uses _bones_ …”

“Interesting! Tell me more!” Sasori chirped, happily, smiling to himself as he continued patching holes. 

~~~

The pair had been in the cavern base for around a week now, and Sasori was almost out of work to do. Orochimaru had finally made good on his offer to provide some of Lord Manda’s venom, so they were working at a makeshift lab-station in the cavern (the only place that could accommodate Lord Manda’s enormous size, and even then he had to be partially submerged in the water.) Sasori had no idea how Orochimaru convinced the giant snake boss to agree to this, but he wasn’t about to complain. 

Since initially meeting around a month ago, and now having worked together for a week, the two had grown amicable. Sasori had established firm boundaries around which of his body’s compartments Orochimaru was allowed to look in (none) and in which rooms it was ok to summon dozens of live snakes (none of the rooms) and this had really improved the relationship. 

They had an effect on each other. Orochimaru was more cautious, more diligent in the lab, and had even begun to anticipate and clean up the messes causes by his pliable body, after some gentle positive reinforcement from Sasori. He had also been able to secure some food from Zetsu after a long negotiation with Sasori, and a discussion of the rules, and the hungry look in his eyes was diminished. 

Sasori had not changed as much, being made of sturdier stuff, but he was at least more willing to listen to Orochimaru lecture about highly revolutionary unpublished research. Turning off the autoresponder- which had been discovered when it got caught on a loop of “Tell me more, Sannin-senpai!”- had forced Sasori to actually listen to his partner, and he found that what Orochimaru had to say was genuinely interesting.

It turned out the two actually had several overlapping interests: seals, sadism, immortality, to name a few. This was not in and of itself enough to get Sasori to truly open up, but it gave them something to talk about, and at night while Orochimaru slept Sasori found himself coming back to a single idea, over and over again.

As he watched Orochimaru negotiate one of Manda’s enormous fangs to extract another liter of venom, and thought back on their week together, a thought crossed Sasori’s mind.

“Pardon me, Sannin-senpai” he said, causing Orochimaru to get distracted and one for the fang he was working with to slip, piercing his hand.

“Yes, my boy?” Orochimaru said, turning to give Sasori his full attention as his one arm began to visibly deteriorate in structure and composition. Sasori was about to say something, but Orochimaru was ready with a bucket to catch the melting flesh now threatening to hit the floor. Progress!

“If you recall, when we first got here,” Sasori began, slowly, “you mentioned bringing back my loved ones from the grave-”

“And torturing your enemies,” Orochimaru added, as he twisted and wrung out his sopping arm into the bucket, “it’s really a package deal. Kind of can’t do one without the other, just part of the jutsu.”

“So wait,” Sasori said, “You were actually serious about that?”

“Why of course,” Orochimaru said matter-of-factly, as the rest of his arm slipped off and fell loudly into the waiting receptacle,“That’s my standard incentives program for dark deals and occult bargaining. Now, the replicas aren’t _perfect_ , they do deteriorate after about a month or so-

“What-”

“Ironically they suffer the same problem as me, actually,” Orochimaru continued, “You see when you reattach the severed connection to the Life Chakra Plane it has inevitably become degraded-”

“WHAT-”

“In fact, the resurrected targets actually serve as a good foil to your miraculous puppet body, Sasori-kun,” Orochimaru was enjoying hypothesizing too much to notice Sasori’s flagrant attempts to regain his attention, “since they don’t actually eat they can’t maintain their connection to the Life Chakra Plane very long-”

“ _Orochimaru_ ,” Sasori gasped, gripping the Snake Sannin firmly by the shoulders and shaking him. The motion jolted him back to reality, and also caused a bit of remaining viscera to splatter on the ground, which in turn made Orochimaru wince. Progress!

Sasori took an unnecessary breath to compose himself. What had been an idle fantasy was suddenly disturbingly possible, and it shook him to his core. If they returned to the Akatsuki base and Sasori hadn’t said anything, then he could lose his chance to ever fix things. Orochimaru hated staying still, that was one thing Sasori has certain of, so if not now, then when?

“Listen,” Sasori said, doing his best to sound measured, “I left out some important information about my puppet body.” If he hadn’t been completely paying attention before, Orochimaru certainly was now. He seemed about to say something but Sasori continued, cutting him off.

“You guessed right. My body deteriorates over time, and I have to replace parts constantly” Sasori said, rushing through his words, “but that’s not my Life connection causing that. It’s me. I made it do that, had to make it do that, with seals, to protect my remaining organs. Ok? It’s not just my ‘strong life connection.’”

Orochimaru’s eyes widened, and Sasori saw him rapidly considering numerous possibilities.

“I don’t understand,” Orochimaru said, still surprised, “Why seal yourself in such a way? To what end?”

“Like I said,” Sasorireplied, an edge to his voice, “I had to. As soon as I made my first prosthetic replacement, my arm, I got sick, and started getting weaker. I was able to stabilize myself by cobbling together these seals.”

Sasori opened a miniscule compartment in his forearm as he spoke, and from it withdrew a long, thin sheet of parchment, almost a metre in length, and densely packed with seals. He held it out asOrochimaru put his face up close and began to examine the work.

“That initial sealwork stabilized me, and so as I kept replacing parts I continued to refine the seals, until I got to where I am now.”

Orochimaru looked up from the scroll, looking more vulnerable, more off-guard then Sasori had ever seen. 

“These seals are unlike any I’ve come across,” he said, in a shaky voice, “And you say that these are merely the prototype? I can’t even imagine what control they could provide if refined.”

“Observe, then,” Sasori said, with a surge of chakra.

Sasori turned to reveal the palm of his prosthetic arm, from which a strong aura of chakra emanated. He closed his eyes, and Orochimaru sensed the deluge of chakra flowing to a point in Sasori’s palm. Then, like sand falling through one’s fingers, the material of the prosthetic hand slowly began to dissolve. When a hole about the size of a coin had opened up the deterioration stopped and, seeming to respond to another command, the hole began to close back up again, new material being conjured as if from thin air. 

“Incredible…” Orochimaru said, in a tone of reverence Sasori had never heard him use, “So this is where your chakra is going, is that it? Siphoned off to anchor your body?”

“That’s how I understand it,” Sasori said, nodding and slowly flexing and closing his hand in sequence as the last traces of damage disappeared, “I originally had an Earth affinity, but these days I almost always feel tapped out when I try to access it. I had thought that my seals had just prevented me from using chakra as some kind of side-effect, but it seems like instead that chakra is constantly being drained to ‘keep my thread in place.’”

“Indeed,” Orochimaru said, returning to look at the scroll still extending from Sasori’s arm, “This is a far more convincing explanation for your unlikely vitality. I had thought perhaps Uzumaki blood, but no...”

The Snake Sannin’s eyes shone with wonder, as he looked past the seals into some abstraction Sasori couldn’t yet grasp, but after only a moment he caught himself, and returned to an upright position, facing Sasori. 

“So why reveal this to me now?” Orochimaru asked, “Of course I am intrigued, but I gather there is more to it.”

“Consider it a bargaining chip,” Sasori said, slightly uncertain, “It seems likely that if you could find a way to incorporate my seals into your body, then it might help to alleviate your ‘condition.’”

“Indeed,” Orochimaru said, eyes narrowing slightly, “So what would you ask in return?”

“Call it ‘help with my condition’ too,” Sasori said furtively, “I simply need you to revive my mother and father from the grave.”

Orochimaru’s eyebrows rose, imperceptibly, but he said without betraying any surprise, “I can certainly do that. It would seem our work on the immortal art is yielding results rather quickly, my boy.”

“Yes,” Sasori nodded, retrieving a scroll from his chest compartment,“I couldn’t agree more. I’ll send a message to Pain-sama that we’ll require a little while longer before he summons us home.”

As he looked up, Orochimaru was whispering something to Manda, who looked over at Sasori, hissed in a way that was definitely derisive, and then disappeared in a puff of smoke.

“What was that? Sasori said, eyeing the Snake Sannin with suspicion.

“Oh, just sending my own little message,” Orochimaru said cheerfully, “Anyway, may I see your arm again, Sasori my boy?”

“I suppose,” Sasoi replied, frowning, “but I don’t see-”

As he spoke Orochimaru padded over to him inconspicuously, and help up his arm to inspect. Suddenly, Sasori sensed an enormous, and weirdly scaly-feeling chakra overwhelm Orochimaru. The chakra travelled across the Sannin’s arm, over his hand, and then ensnared Sasori as well.

Before he could respond, the overpowering force pulled the two Akatsuki out of the physical plane completely, sending a shockwave through the cavern. There was silence, broken a moment later by the sound of a bucket landing on the ground and spilling its contents.

~~~

They appeared in a dark, limestone cave. In an instant Sasori was wheeling around, taking in every angle of the room, blades extending from his palm and projectiles readied. He looked around, alert, until he realized that Orochimaru was not in any way perturbed.

“Ah,” Sasori said, still on guard, “What...was that? Where are we?”

“A summoning, my boy,” Orochimaru said, casually, “And we are on a different plane entirely now. Welcome to Ryuuchi Cave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I KNOW that there was a lot of exposition in this chapter and not a lot of character development. I promise it's coming! We've already tackled 2/5 planes, and after those we'll be done and everyone will get to have inner dialogues I promise. I'm rushing a little to get to the actual plot part of the story, but all will be explained eventually. Thank you for reading :)


	3. You Make Me Hissterical

Sasori looked around the space Orochimaru had declared “Ryuuchi Cave.” Compared to the large, underground reservoir they had inhabited up until a minute ago, an enormous, hostile snake lounging in the center, this place was...well, pretty much the same. There was even a comparable, albeit quickly growing, volume of snakes present.

“Ah, Snake-senpai,” Sasori said, betraying a hint of apprehension, “Are these snakes your friends too?”

“More or less,” Orochimaru said brightly, before turning to face the ever-increasing congregation of snakes now emerging from within the cave, “Hello, noble serpents of Ryuuchi Cave, it is I, the great ninja Orochimaru!”

The many snakes stopped approaching momentarily, and some recoiled backwards, forked tongues flicking out rapidly, as they mulled over the nature of these two intruders.

“Orochimaru,” one of the larger snakes hissed, eyes narrowing “You dare to return to our sssanctuary, Weak One?”

“I thought we had decsssided he wasss ‘The Frail One,’” another snake said, slight confusion in its voice.

“No, he was entitled ‘The Fragile One,’” a third snake chimed in, prompting the snakes to stop their interrogation briefly and discuss amongst themselves. Sasori shot Orochimaru an incredulous look.

“Ah, just a bit of snake humour,” Orochimaru assured Sasori under his breath, “I’ll move things along don’t worry.”

“Perhaps,” he continued, raising his voice to get the snakes attention, “The Great and Noble Sage of these caves might remember precisely what cruel and creative name you had thought up for me initially?”

The snakes mulled this over for a moment, looking to each other briefly, before all breaking out into uproarious laughter. It sounded eerily familiar to the laundry room when Sasori was ironing multiple lab coats at once. It was not a sound that communicated much respect.

“And why exactly would you think a puny weakling sssuch asss yourssself isss worthy of an audience with the mossst esssteemed and wissse White Sssnake Sssage?” the largest of the snakes hissed in between fits of laughter. Sasori was only able to parse about half of what was said, but judging by the mounting tension visible in Orochimaru’s posture, it was not a flattering sentiment.

“Just play along OK?” Orochimaru whispered quickly to Sasori. Before he had time to speak, Orchimaru continued, gesturing grandly at him, and saying, “Because behold! I have captured the last member of the Ancient Forgotten Scorpion Tribe!”

Immediately the snakes responded with an undecipherable torrent of jeers, questions and what Sasori suspected was just regular hissing. It seemed as though they might attack, or riot, but finally the largest snake there was able to silence the rest with some placating hisses, or again maybe the snake was actually saying something. 

Turning back to face the pair of ninja, the largest snake hissed with extreme suspicion, “If thisss isss indeed a member of the Ssscorpion Tribe, then where isss hisss  _ sssssssstinger? _ ”

The air of hostility in the room was palpable as Orochimaru turned to face Sasori, moving slowly and deliberately. 

“Well,” The Snake Sannin said, making extremely detailed facial expressions as he spoke, “Go ahead and show them your stinger, Sasori-kun.”

Sasori just looked at him. Orochimaru seemed like he was having an extremely hard time. Sasori made a mental note to tune his ability to feel second-hand embarrassment down 20...no, better make it 30%. 

Nevertheless, he sighed, and extended two blades, dripping with venom, from either wrist. He he held them up for inspection by the snake crowd, but there was an immediate torrent of hissing and boos, as well as some small rocks thrown, which bounced harmlessly off his puppet body.

“No, Sasori-kun,” Orochimaru said through gritted teeth, visibility sweating, “Not your  _ pincers,  _ show them your  _ stinger. _ ” As he spoke he jerked his head to the side, indicating Sasori’s backside.

Sasori just looked at him. He closed his eyes, and mentally envisioned killing the Snake Sannin in numerous graphic ways, and this helped. He thought about bringing back his parents, and that helped too, although not as much. 

“I will kill you for this,” Sasori whispered, as he turned so that his back was facing the assembled snakes. Fiddling with his cloak for a moment, he unclasped it and let it fall to the floor, revealing his bare, segmented back. For a moment he was still, and then there was a click.

A small section of the lower back peeled backwards, revealing itself to be composed of numerous wide, jointed segments. From the tip, a curled blade emerged. Sasori wiggled his backside a little to help the snakes get a better view of the appendage.

There was stunned silence.

“He ssspeaksss the truth,” the largest Snake said breathlessly, obvious awe and fear in his voice, “Our ancient foe, the Ssscorpion Tribe, yet persssisssts in thisss plane. The Sssage mussst known of thisss at oncssse!”

The assembled snakes all seemed to rally at this comment, and began surging back into the caves from which they came, a path opening up along the center of their number. Orochimaru silently mimed a prayer of simultaneous thanks and apology to Sasori as he began to follow them. Sasori reached down to pick up his cloak, then began to shrug it on s he followed Orochimaru deeper into the caves.

“Please uh,” Orochimaru said, “Please keep your stinger on display, dear, treasured colleague of mine. It’s more believable.”

Sasori hummed in response, lost in the thought of dipping his colleague deep into a vat of boiling oil and then feeding him to Kisame. He grudgingly removed his cloak, then tucked it into his chest compartment.

“I know this seems bad,” Orochimaru said a little desperately, “But it will all be worth it when we meet the White Snake Sage.”

As they descended the caves, counterintuitively, the walls seemed to expand and grow more spacious as they progressed. Sasori began to notice that the cave wasn’t merely crudely excavated stone, but actually had intricate carvings made into the walls, ceilings, and floors. In fact there were roads, and domiciles, and at one point they passed what appeared to be an onsen, with numerous snakes lounging in steaming pools of water, towels covering their heads. 

“Mm, Snake-senpai,” Sasori murmured, deciding to reserve judgment for the time being, as they began to enter what seemed like a marketplace or town square area, “I know you said this is Ryuuchi Cave, but would you care to give me more context as to why there is a village of talking snakes?”

“What’s there to explain?” Orochimaru said, smiling and waving at various serpentine onlookers, who unanimously replied with dirty looks, “This is where the snakes of The Snake Tribe live, and where they return after they’ve been summoned.”

“OK, yes, that makes sense. I suppose summons need to exist somewhere,” Sasori conceded, “But  _ where _ is this somewhere? I’ve never seen this place discussed or mentioned, nor have I encountered any other Tribe’s homes.”

“Ah,” Orochimaru said, waving strategically to block some of the stones now being thrown at him as they progressed through the cave’s main area, “Well succinctly put: we are now on the Sage Chakra Plane, but we are still rather close to the physical plane. Think of it as a space within a space: a hidden door or secret compartment. We’re technically, only a few days’ journey from Konoha, but this plane is closed to those who lack proficiency with Sage Chakra, which is why most stumble past the villages of the Animal Tribes like this one without ever realizing it.”

“So there are places like this in Suna too?”

“It seems likely, although I only know of the Scarab tribe, whose home is concealed closer to the mountains in the North.”

“There’s a Scarab tribe?,” Sasori said numbly, “I’ve never- Wait, is the Ancient Forgotten Scorpion Tribe actually  _ real _ ?”

“Well, my boy,” Orochimaru said grimly, as they came to the foot of a staircase leading to an enormous, majestic temple, “I sincerely hope so. By the by, did you bring your most fearsome battle puppets?”

“I don’t know, Oro, did I?” Sasori said in exasperation, “Will my summoning seals even work here?”

“Ah, good question,” Orochimaru said, tapping his chin thoughtfully, “Let’s hope we don’t find out.”

With that he began ascending the steps to the temple. After a moment, Sasori sighed and began to follow him.

As they reached the top of the staircase the full majesty of the temple came into view. It was an enormous, stone creation, intricate patterns of snakes fighting toads and slugs festooned the walls, and large stone dragons wound their way up columns and across the courtyard. The entrance of the temple itself was in fact the large, stylized jaws of a snake, fashioned in stone, with paper lanterns hanging from the numerous looming fangs. With some trepidation, the two Akatsuki entered.

The antechamber of the temple was decorated with silk banners and ornate, complicated rugs, and dotted with numerous sitting areas, full of snakes of all sizes lounging on couches and cushions. The banners, like the stonework on the outside of the temple, depicted various images of snakes engaged in battle with a wide array of enemies, this time including dogs, eagles, and even what appeared to be giant beetles. 

Sasori inspected the banners more closely- no scorpions. 

At the other end of the room a great number of silk curtains were draped across the space, creating a more closed off area from the rest of the temple. As the pair of ninja made their way across the antechamber, this closed off room slowly came more into view, and Sasori could see a large snake speaking quickly with an even larger, white viper, who was lounging nonchalantly across what appeared to be a throne mixed with a couch.

The white viper noticed them walking up, and with a word- more of an annoyed hiss, really- it dismissed the other snake, who went slithering quickly out of the room and passed Sasori, its gaze lingering briefly on his ‘stinger.’ As soon as they passed the curtains to the white viper’s chamber, she spoke.

“Do my old eyesss decssseive me?” she said, her voice raspy, but high, and her tone ironic, “Isss it truly you, little Preciousss One?”

“Indeed it is,” Orochimaru said, bowing deeply. Sasori hastily followed suit, as the Snake Sannin added with great deference, “And may I say, Sage-sama, that your beauty and grace remain the greatest of all the Great Sages of this plane.”

The White Snake Sage hissed with approval, “Sssuch a charmer...now I remember why I ssspared your life, Preciousss one. Now tell me, what busssinessss do you have here? Have you finally decsssided to accsssept your fragility and let the Sssage Chakra of thisss placssse consssume you?”

She uncoiled menacingly as she spoke, slowly making her way across the floor to surround the two Akatsuki. She was certainly the second biggest snake Sasori had ever seen, after Lord Manda, and towered a good five or ten feet above their heads, even with her body looped upon itself.

“No, great one, quite the opposite,” Orochimaru said, still affecting an air of accommodation, “I have captured lost secrets of the sealing arts from this treacherous scorpion, which I believe would allow me to channel the full power of Snake Sage Chakra.”

“Yessss,” the white viper mused, lazily circling around the pair, “I wasss informed that you had brought a guessst into thisss sssacred placssse. A ssscorpion I mussst allow, ssso sssay the old treatiesss, but if you were foolish enough to bring a mere human here, of courssse I would not hesssitate to consssume him whole.”

As she spoke, she eyed Sasori hungrily, and with every pass around him grew slightly closer. Sasori looked over at Orochimaru who gave a shaky thumbs-up. 

“Well please, Sage-sama, I implore you to inspect him as you see fit,” Orochimaru said, hiding any trace of worry, “but do take care around that stinger, I’ve seen it fell two troops of elephants with but one drop of venom.”

“Quite a boassst,” the slithering serpent replied, as it stopped its circling to stare at Sasori, “Isss thisss true, little ssscorpion? Two troops?”

Sasori looked back at the huge, white snake, and aggressively clacked his hands in her direction. 

“Of courssse you’re right, little one,” the snake said, amused, “Why, I can sssimply tassste your venom and sssee for myssself.”

Sasori clacked defiantly, but crossed his arms. The White Snake Sage circled behind him, and as she did, a single drop of venom dripped off the edge of Sasori’s stinger. In the blink of an eye the old snake’s tongue flicked out, catching the venom. She slithered back to face the two ninja, and coiled upon herself, evidently deep in thought.

For a moment she was silent. Then she spoke, 

“Thisss venom could barely kill a sssingle troop of elephantsss,” she concluded, paausing before adding, “which is exactly what I’d exssspect from a trifling, sssand-dwelling ssscorpion. You may ssstay asss our guessst, little one.”

Orochimaru let out a huge sigh of relief, resting his hands on his knees. Sasori released the threads around some of his more defensive modifications as Orochimaru stood back up, and clapped him on the back.

“Yes, one of the last,” Orochimaru said, “But not at all diminished for it. Indeed, I would invite you, Sage-Sama, to please examine these sealing arts which he hides in his wretched scorpion carapace.” As Orochimaru spoke, he undid the small latch on Sasori’s forearm, and from it withdrew the long, thin scroll, that bore the first prototype of Sasori’s body-stabilizing sealwork. Sasori shot him a withering look but didn’t otherwise stop him.

The White Snake Sage hissed in agreement, and from her couch-throne retrieved a pair of pointed reading glasses, which she placed on her enormous head. Then, grasping the end of the scroll with the tip of her tail, she began to examine the contents, hissing quietly to herself.

“Hm...thessse sssealsss are powerful indeed, if ssslightly clumsssy. I can gift them to you asss before, if thisss isss what you desssire, Preciousss One, but there isss sssubssstantial risssk. Are you sure thisss isss what you want?”

“Yes,” Orochimaru said immediately, “without a doubt. I trust this ma- this scorpion’s work with my life.”

Sasori raised his eyebrows, but Orochmaru wasn’t looking at him.

“Well, let usss sssee if your trussst isss well-placsssed,” the White Snake Sage replied. With uncanny speed she suddenly uncoiled, striking at Orochimaru and burying a fang in his shoulder. Orochimaru howled in pain, but his energy appeared to be draining rapidly. As he fell to the ground his eyes met Sasori’s, before they closed and he collapsed, leaving Sasori alone, deep in Ryuuchi cave.

~~~

Orochimaru woke up, deeply sore, and with a throbbing ache in his shoulder, but even in the state of grogginess and pain, one thing was immediately clear to him:

_ It worked _ .

Eyes still closed, he opened his other senses, attempting to examine the chakra of his surroundings. What was a passive awareness suddenly came into focus, as he felt hundreds upon hundreds of flashes of Sage and Life Chakra all around him. The background too, was far denser in Sage chakra than anywhere in the physical plane, meaning he must still be somewhere in Ryuuchi cave.

The next step was to attempt to harness the Sage Chakra, to go beyond perceiving it and allow it to be pulled in by the natural “gravity” of his Life Chakra connection. Sage Chakra was intrinsically drawn to power, that was why the most powerful animals were able to form these isolated planes without any ninjutsu to speak of. A powerful ninja could therefore extract Sage Chakra anywhere, so long as they could learn to pull chakra not from the Pure Chakra plane, but from the physical plane, from the ambient Sage Chakra that hung like an aura around everything in this world.

At least that’s how it was supposed to work, for normal, healthy ninja. That’s how it had worked for  _ fucking Jiraiya _ , who only even summoned Gamabunta years after Orochimaru had first summoned Lord Manda. Who never even  _ used  _ Sage Mode because it made him ‘strike out with the ladies’ as if something so  _ fucking meaningless  _ was a justification to throw away real power.

But then, if Jiraiya could do it, and he couldn’t, what did that say about him? Who was Orochimaru if not the ruthless, perfect killer, the one who would sacrifice anything for the power to protect his village? It seemed no one could answer it for him. Who would spare even a passing thought of Orochimaru leading the village when ‘The Great Toad Sage’ and his perfect disciples were there to show off?

The way that buffoon casts a shadow, how could Orochimaru not succumb to darkness?

It was dark. He cast off those thoughts, and returned his awareness to the chakra around him. The chakra that was now  _ flowing into him _ . He could feel it, the pinpricks of this foreign chakra beginning to light up his body like any other. It was not the dull, stubborn thud of Earth Chakra, nor the vibrant, yearning pull of Life Chakra. It was quiet, and it was enormous. It was awe.

_ It’s mine. _

The flow of chakra, however, was slow. Orochimaru was incredibly skilled at manipulating his own chakra, but he could sense that the Sage Chakra had barely penetrated his skin, would take perhaps  _ hours  _ at this rate to coalesce into something he could draw on and form into jutsu. He would need more focus if he wanted to speed up the process, and the throbbing pain in his shoulder was so distracting, not to mention the weird smattering of Earth chakra that was hovering right beside him-

_ Sasori. _

Orochimaru opened his eyes. Sasori was there, reading a scroll, sitting beside him. He didn’t notice Orochimaru wake up. Silently, Orochimaru scanned the rest of the space around him. A small room, nicely furnished. Perhaps a guest bedroom in the temple at Ryuuchi Cave. He was lying on a soft, if oddly long and thin bed, and Sasori was seated beside him, having pulled a chair away from a small table in the room to be closer.

_ Thank god they didn’t kill him. _

It would be a waste for something so beautiful and so  _ fascinating  _ to be removed from the world. Orochimaru let his eyes rest on Sasori, and thought that if it took a few hours for the Sage Chakra to manifest, that was fine. He could wait.

It wasn’t long, however, before Sasori looked up from his scroll, and saw Orochimaru staring.

“Oh,” the redhead said in the same monotone voice he always affected, “You aren’t dead. What a surprise.”

“Not yet, my boy,” Orochimaru said grinning, “No need to worry over me. I’m the legendary immortal Snake Sannin, after all.”

“Yes, a title which one would find completely impossible to infer based on your actions,” Sasori said, “Especially your willingness to piss off extremely dangerous missing-nin.”

“Oh? Did I miss someone dangerous coming in while I was asleep?” Orochimaru said in mock confusion. Getting a reaction out of Jiraiya and Tsunade had been like getting a fish to swim. With Sasori, however, the challenge made it all the more rewarding when he would twitch an eye, or forget to speak in monotone briefly.

This was one of those times, “I don’t know, Orochimaru, should I tell you? Is that what we do now when we expect something dangerous and unpredictable to occur? Should I let you know the next time I intend to provoke a giant, ancient python to attack me for no apparent reason? I was under the impression we were trying to keep those things as a fun surprise!”

Orochimaru found it almost impossible not to let his pleasure show, but he managed to keep a straight face. “It was an experiment, my boy, I was testing a hypothesis.” 

“You were test- An exper-” Sasori stuttered, visibly torn between disbelief and furious understanding, “THAT IS NOT CORRECT EXPERIMENTAL PROCEDURE!”

“Well my lab coat was dirty, Sasori-kun, you can’t expect me-”

“SHUT UP,” Sasori shouted, throwing his scroll on the ground and standing up violently, “Just fucking shut up! With the shit you’ve put me through today you can afford to  _ shut the fuck up  _ for five seconds!”

Orochimaru winced, but didn’t say anything. He had forgotten about this part of the “testing boundaries” game. 

“You teleport me, without my permission, to a place I’ve never been, with no explanation, to see a giant, incredibly powerful snake, who then  _ attacks and attempts to eat you-” _

“She...tried to eat me?” Orochimaru interjected, “That doesn’t seem right.”

“YES SHE TRIED TO EAT YOU,” Sasori fumed, volume increasing even more, “And I had to tell her we were  _ married _ and that it would violate  _ Scorpion Law _ which somehow  _ worked- _ ”

“You told her we were married?” Orochimaru gasped, “Quick thinking, Sasori-kun, I’m surprised you-”

“I thought I told you to  _ shut the fuck up, _ ” Sasori roared, hands shaking from anger, “I don’t have time to deal with your fucking bantering because now I need to summon the goddamn fictional scorpion who officiated our fictional wedding, which is going to require that I somehow discover how to summon a tribe I’m now only 60% sure is fake, which I’m pretty sure is going to require my own blood at some point, which-”

Orochimaru sat up and watched as Sasori began pacing and rambling, still sounding absolutely berserk, about “vials of blood” and “inscrutable contract law” and so on. How such a quiet man could harbour such passion- even if it was mostly hate directed his way- was endlessly amazing to Orochimaru.

“Sasori-kun,” he said softly, but of course Sasori was well past the point of listening to anyone else. “Sasori-kun, listen,” Orochimaru ventured again, reaching out and tapping Sasori on the shoulder.

“WHAT IS IT,” Sasori snapped, whipped around and flinging Orochimaru’s arm away, causing the Snake Sannin to cry out in pain as his injured shoulder flared up. Sasori’s eyes softened for a moment, before anger reasserted control. 

“What, Orochimaru,” he said through gritted teeth.

“You don’t have to worry about doing all that to keep us safe. I got what I came here for; we can leave.”

Sasori just looked at him with completely unrestrained hostility. Orochimaru felt small, in spite of things. He had thought this would work better, he would enter Sage Mode and blow Sasori away with his power…

But then, that wasn’t really what Sasori cared about. He seemed...uninterested in power, truth be told.

“I promise I will explain everything,” Orochimaru said, “and I can do it here, if you’d prefer. But I left a snake back at the complex, and she can summon us back, if you’d rather just leave.”

Orochimaru offered his hand. Sasori looked at him for a moment, anger still prominent but something else stirring beneath. At last he reached down, picked up the scroll he had discarded, and put his other hand in Orochimaru’s.

The Snake Sannin closed his eyes, felt for the connection he had made to his earlier snake summons, and sent a slight pulse of the Sage Chakra he had thus far accumulated. There was a moment of silence, and then a pull, slower, and weaker this time, enveloped Orochimaru and then Sasori too, and they were pulled from Ryuuchi Cave, back into the physical plane.

~~~

Orochimaru winced as the abrupt landing on the cavern’s floor sent pain running through his shoulder. He slowly stood to his feet to see Sasori shadowstep to the cavern’s exit, and then again, disappearing somewhere into the complex. Orochimaru realized with a jolt that he was still holding Sasori’s hand, now disconnected and eerily still.

_ That really did not go as planned. _

~~~

_ If I never see another snake, it will be too soon. _

Sasori landed gracefully out of one shadowstep then immediately performed another, getting as much distance as possible from Orochimaru. In truth, after the seventh or eighth shadowstep it was unlikely that his “colleague” would be able to find him. They had mostly been working in a small area of the complex, near Sasori’s labs and the cavern, but that left 90% of the enormous underground maze a mystery. Well, to Orochimaru, at least. 

Which was perfect. Sasori was so ready to not think about  _ him  _ for once. The fact that he was expending chakra to shadowstep away also meant that his chosen place of refuge would be all the more useful. After a couple minutes of continuous instantaneous transmission down the many iron corridors, Sasori finally arrived at his destination: an underground hot spring. 

There was no door, just an opening in the iron where for once wooded architecture had been employed (iron seats are not comfortable when heated by boiling water) and Sasori shadowstepped out of his clothes -an advanced level of the technique- and into the nearest pool. Technically, this had been the women’s pool, but a while ago Sasori had scratched out the signs and written “puppets” and “non-puppets” over top. 

_ Wait, which one is this?  _

He looked around, but as funny as he had found his own joke, he hadn’t thought to reproduce it on literally  _ all  _ the signage. Looking to his left, he noticed a puppet sitting next to him in the pool, posed as if enjoying the water. 

_ Oh. God, I was lonely. _

Still grumpy, Sasori sank beneath the surface, and tried to let the chakra-rich waters restore both his energy and sense of serenity at once. This was not the only chakra pool he used to recover, in fact given its distance from his laboratories he rarely used it at all, but it was definitely the most pleasant. Maybe it was purely psychological, a thought which Sasori hated, but somehow the steam and heat made it entirely relaxing, and he found himself coming here in moments of stress.

_ If I recall, the last time was... after Kakuzu killed his most recent partner. That...was a lot of blood. _

Now he remembered. He had been demonstrating a new puppet, and something had set Kakuzu off, and of course Kakuzu’s partner was the casualty. Sasori had been so upset he retreated to the complex for a month, which had been an  _ awful  _ idea because he had forgotten to clean himself, so when he arrived he took his blood-spattered puppet and blood-spattered body straight to this hot spring.

Why had that bothered him so much?

_ I guess that guy- god I can’t even remember his name- was pretty much the closest thing I had to a friend in this organization.  _

That seemed right, although the human idea of human beings craving other human beings sickened him. Still, who else was there to even speak to? Zetsu and Kakuzu were even more sadistic and inhuman than him, Konan was always in Ame, administrating and overseeing the country, and their Leader was definitely just a zombie, or like, six zombies. Too inhuman for the humans, too human for the monsters.

_ Well, except for Snake-senpai.  _

It was a stupid thought and Sasori sunk deeper into the water to make it go away. Maybe he could just hide underwater here and Orochimaru would go away on his own. Sasori didn’t need to eat, or breathe, so really he could just live here in this chakra rich water and wait for Orochimaru to leave or starve _. _

Was that such a bad plan? He could just retreat into his shell, run his spy network from the complex, and just go out in Hiruko if he ever needed to. Maybe tune his autoresponder to sound a bit lower and less childish or whatever stupid thing made stupid Orochimaru delight in fucking with him so much-

Sasori clenched his fists in anger, but only one fist closed. The other sort of lamely released a kunai, which didn’t travel very far through the water, and slowly sank to the bottom of the pool. Sighing, he bent over to pick it up, then emerged from the water.

_ I’ve gotta hand it to him, he sure can piss me off. _

Sasori leaned back into the wall, and examined his empty wrist. He had numerous backups of every one of his body parts stored in the complex, not to mention many that he could summon using (waterproof) seals in his chest compartment, but he felt compelled to do things ‘manually’ this time, as it were.

Closing his eyes, he drew on the faint, faint connection to Earth chakra that was ever present in the back of his mind, and pulled it out, along chakra threads, to the edge of his wrist. He was already drained from the shadow steps it took to get here, but the hot spring was slowly replacing that chakra, so he let himself take his time reforming the hand, and let his mind wander.

_ Orochimaru could regenerate a hand in seconds _ . _ He’d say something like, “Maa, maa, Sasori-kun, don’t you long for greater power? What if you could make ten hands at once, and make them out of gold, and make them explode on command, blah blah blah-” _

Sasori didn’t understand it. Power, jutsu, chakra, control, it was all Orochimaru seemed to care about. That and explaining his crack theories on “the chakra planes.” Well, they had literally visited another plane, full of talking snakes, no less, so maybe the theories weren’t entirely outlandish. They were still boring.

_ And weirdly suggestive? Why does he always sound like he’s trying to corrupt me? I am very corrupted already. I am a puppet cyborg, what more does he want from me? What does he fucking want with me? _

Sasori didn’t know, and he hated not knowing. He still wasn’t sure why they had gone to Ryuuchi Cave, let alone why Orochimaru had allowed himself to be bitten by that huge snake. Granted, Sasori had been forced to spend the majority of his time there pretending to be a scorpion and furiously researching Animal Tribe Contract Law, but still. 

It had all gone so disastrously wrong, one string of embarrassments and failures after another, and to what end? To seem  _ cool _ ? To seem like the all-knowing Snake Sage of the Sannin, constantly revealing arcane knowledge and unknown powers?

_ That’s really it, huh? He was trying to impress me. _

The thought made Sasori laugh, and for once it didn’t bother him how human it sounded. That man was an absolute nightmare, and Sasori was supposed to work with him? This was the man with whom he was meant to divine the secrets of immortality?

_ “ _ An eternity with him,” Sasori mused, examining his now complete hand. He had taken his time, and intricate carvings, like henna or lacework, traced his fingers and palm, images of snakes and dragons, scarabs and scorpions, swirling in a storm.

_ I guess a little inspiration never hurts. _

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK this fic is really ready to get going! I was feeling around a bit for how to proceed, but I've got it all planned out now and I'm really excited to show you guys what happens next. I prefer the more introspective look at the characters that I adopted in the latter half of the chapter, so I think I'll be sticking with that, and trying to make it clear each chapter whose viewpoint the action is from.  
> Next chapter will introduce Pain and Kakuzu, briefly, so stay tuned!


	4. Fufufu...this is even my Final Form

It was some time later when Sasori returned to the cavern at the center of the complex. He’d decided fairly quickly not to punish Orochimaru more than necessary, but at the same time he had really needed to recover his chakra and the hot spring had really felt amazing. All in all he had stayed for at least a few hours, so Sasori was surprised upon returning to find Orochimaru still sitting in the cavern, legs crossed as if meditating.

Orochimaru opened his eyes as soon as Sasori walked in, and his expression was apologetic. He stood to his feet as Sasori made his way over, and from his Akatsuki robes withdrew Sasori’s old hand. He held it out awkwardly in front of him.

“You, ah, left this behind,” Orochimaru said hesitantly, “I know you don’t like me to touch your...parts...but I didn’t want it to get lost or dirty so...”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sasori said lightly, revealing his newly formed hand and examining it as he spoke, “I’ve got a new one. You can keep that one as a memento.”

Orochimaru's eyes flicked between the discarded hand he now held, and the new, decorated one Sasori was currently displaying so nonchalantly. “

A memento of what?” Orochimaru asked tentatively.

“Of the time you almost fucked everything up, of course,” Sasori replied, smiling warmly, “Now come with me. We have a meeting with the rest of the group.”

“What? You didn't tell me-Ah, I see. You’re only telling me at the last minute because-”

“What a wonderful memento it will be,” Sasori hummed, turning and gesturing for Orochimaru to follow him.

They made their way back into the complex, and into one of the spaces Sasori had set up as a meeting room. The room was sparse: artificially lit, with a number of simple tables arranged in a square, surrounded by a few serviceable chairs. Orochimaru took a seat, slightly uncomfortably, as Sasori went around and distributed the small stones that would serve as a source for the holograms that would later embody their colleagues. Finally, he gave Orochimaru one of the stones to hold, and sat in the spot adjacent to him, holding his own stone.

After a couple of minutes of awkward silence, the stone placed at the head of the arrangement of tables glowed brightly, and a fuzzy silhouette of Pain appeared. 

“Let us begin,” said a voice identical to Pain’s, emanating from the same stone as the projection. Sasori and Orochimaru both knew to channel a small amount of chakra into their stones, and as they did so they were greeted with the images of the rest of the Akatsuki appearing one by one as they all did the same thing.

They appeared in order: Konan, Zetsu, Kakuzu, Kisame, and Kakuzu’s most recent partner. He was on his third now, if Sasori remembered correctly. Maybe this one would stick around long enough for Sasori to learn his name.

As soon as Kakuzu and his partner’s images appeared they were accompanied by their two voices, evidently arguing, as their silhouettes gestured at each other.

“-would save so much money on these transmission stones if we just met in person, or used telephones like a sane person-”

“You dare try to argue budgetary responsibility with me, boy? I guess the cost of having to source and furnish an entire building to use as a homebase isn’t important in your calculation? Or were you suggesting we use your apartment?”

“Well how hard could it be to find a place in Ame? Isn’t our leader literally the all-powerful ruler of the country?”

“God, you’re right, why didn’t I think of that? Let’s evict every citizen of Ame while we’re at it, give ourselves some flexibility in options! Hey, Pain-sama, where in your densely populated metropolitan center do you think would be a good place for a group of extremely conspicuous criminals to congregate?”

“...”

“Pain-sama, of course I didn’t mean to insinuate-”

“This is why I can’t stand your generation, so short-sighted, so entitled, it makes my blood boil. I’m honestly on my last goddamn nerve with this guy.”

“Well maybe if you weren’t so grabby with our mission funds, Kakuzu, we would have a better-”

There was the sound of a head being chopped off, and also the fuzzy silhouetted depiction of a decapitation to go with it. 

“Fuck that guy!” Kakuzu shouted angrily, to a chorus of audible sighs, as well as laughter Sasori attributed to either Black Zetsu or Kisame or both. Pain’s silhouette was facepalming and Konan had already connected to another call, and was talking quietly about “discreet body removal” and “no, we aren’t interested in a repeat-customer’s bonus.”

“Well, I suppose that sets the tone for things,” Pain said, sounding as old as his six bodies combined, “Obviously first on the agenda, Kakuzu needs a new partner.”

“Preferably one who isn’t a simpering moron this time,” Kakuzu grunted, folding his arms.

“I-” Pain said, looking for words but failing to find any, “I’m honestly out of ideas at this point. I thought we’d be at ten members by now, but it’ll be a miracle if we ever break nine at this rate.”

He sighed, and rubbing his temples said, “Does anyone have any leads on potential recruits?”

Konan looked up from her phone call, “I’m planting terrorist propaganda in Iwa as we speak but I figure it’ll take roughly six or seven years before it produces anyone of value, hm. I really wish you hadn’t killed Rick-san, Kakuzu.”

_ His name was Rick…? _

“Great, Konan, thank you. I guess we’ll revisit that when the time comes,” Pain said, evidently having gotten his hopes up that she’d have something for him, “Any other leads? Preferably someone...I don’t know, immortal?”

“Ah, I may have a candidate,” Orochimaru offered, much to Sasori’s surprise, “A defector from Yuga, he’s part of-”

“Sorry, where?” said a voice, Kisame’s, probably.

“Ah, Yugakure, Kisame-san. The Village Hidden in Hot Water? The man is a fanatic, a practitioner of the cult of Jasshin, and he apparently slaughtered a great deal of his comrades before taking leave of the place.”

“Hm, Jasshin,” Kakuzu said, stroking his chin pensively, “I think I recall meeting one of his lieutenants once. Very polite. Highly motivated to bring an end to the world of man. Good people.”

“Well then, Kakuzu, you can go and recruit him,” Pain said, irritated, “But please if he is a literal demon don’t bring him on. We’ve got enough of those already. I would accompany you myself, but I literally don't think I could stop myself from killing you.”

"Hmph, like you even could."

“Thank you for the suggestion, Orochimaru,” Pain said, ignoring Kakuzu and turning to address Sasori’s partner, “Given the circumstances, I’d like to go about recruitment slowly, so as to not admit anyone we can’t trust. Or rather, anyone we’ll have to replace almost immediately.” He shot a very pointed glare at Kakuzu, who just glared back.

“In the meantime, I’d like you two to resume mercenary operations, if at all possible.”

“Happy to, Pain-sama,” Sasori said in his regular monotone, “I will see what my spies in Suna can provide for us.”

“Excellent,” Pain said, turning back to the group, “Now, on to the main topic of discussion: our ‘No Eating People Rule.’ I’ve received a lot of pushback on this one, but I must reiterate how important this is for our image. As a group of mercenaries for hire…”

The meeting continued on for quite some time, as Kisame and Zetsu engaged in a vocal and well-reasoned debate with Pain about the merits of certain company policies. Sasori was familiar with their talking points by now, and, muting his stone, began to idly check his body’s various hidden blades and poisons for functionality. 

After a minute, Orochimaru whispered to him, “Sasori-kun, a word?”

“Are you muted?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Go ahead then.”

“Well,” Orochimar began, seeming sheepish, “I wanted to apologize to you for my conduct earlier today, what with Ryuuchi Cave and all. I realize that I put you in a difficult situation without explaining myself, and that isn’t something a good colleague does. I aim to be more transparent about things in the future.”

Sasori looked down to make sure his stone was muted too. He wasn’t sure how to handle this situation. Distancing himself from people and emotions was sort of the whole point of building a puppet body, and the thought of having to engage with those things again was discomfiting. 

_ It’s bad enough he makes me angry, I can’t let him reclaim any other emotions. _

“Thank you,” Sasori said, flatly, “It will be easier for me to work if I know what to expect.”

“About that,” Orochimaru said, “I’ve thought of another way to make things easier for you with regards to your chakra capacity. I’m sure it’s inconvenient having to come back to this place every time your chakra is low.”

_ Oh no. A gesture. A gift. I’m going to have to reciprocate. Abort. _

“That’s quite alright,” Sasori said lightly, “We have more important concerns at the moment. Leader wants us to do some more missions, so we’ll have to leave for Suna tonight. No more time for experimentation.”

“Ah but my solution is  _ in Suna _ ,” Orochimaru purred, grinning slyly, “It’ll be no trouble for you at all. You contact your spies, and I’ll do what I have to do, no time lost. It will be maximally efficient, I assure you.”

_ Kindness detected. Abort. _

“We can talk about this later,” Sasori said, “Let’s get back to the meeting.” As if to punctuate his point, he unmuted himself and turned back to ace the holograms. Orochimaru huffed and did the same, but the conversation around them had apparently stopped. The two looked at each other, and then back at the rest of the silhouettes.

“Well, Orochimaru?” Kisame said, “Don’t you agree?”

“Ah,” Orochimaru began, “You’ll have to repeat the question. There was a...a snake in my boot.”

“I was saying that you probably get your  _ snakes  _ to eat people all the time, so it’s totally reasonable if  _ I  _ eat people too, since I don’t have any snakes to do it for me.”

“Well, uh,” Orochimaru said, clearly unsure of how to navigate this foreign political environment, “I suppose they have on occasion eaten people, but I mainly use them for things like restraining people and poisoning them so…”

“So nothing,” Pain said, clearly exhausted with this conversation, “Orochimaru’s snakes aren’t part of Akatsuki so our rules don’t apply to them.  _ You  _ on the other hand Kisame, must abide by them!”

“This is bullshit! This is speciesism!” Kisame shouted in dismay.

“Here here!” replied the Zetsus.

“I cannot believe we’re still discussing this,” Pain said, “But you know what? Fine.  _ If  _ you’re in a situation where Orochimaru’s snakes are about to eat someone,  _ and that someone is already dead,  _ then I give you permission to eat them yourselves. But only in that situation!”

“I’ll take it!” Kisame said immediately, “So, Orochimaru, looking to switch partners?”

_ He better not- _

“I’m quite happy here, actually,” Orochimaru said, looking at Sasori for a cue as to how to proceed.

“Yes, we’re quite happy and- Oh no there’s a sandstorm,” Sasori said, modulating his voice to sound distorted, “A sandstorm just started and- it- our- the connection- breaking up-” as he said that he threw his and Orochimaru’s rocks in the trash.

“OK listen,” Sasori said, turning to face Orochimaru once more “I will accept your apology and reparations-”

Orochimaru’s face lit up and he was about to speak, but Sasori cut him off.

“- _ on the condition _ ,” he continued, holding up a finger in warning, “that you explain to me, in detail, what you intend to do for me and how.”

Orochimaru’s face deflated a bit. Apparently he had been looking forward to the surprise.

“W...well, my boy,” Orochimaru began, “It’s in regards to your chakra reserves-”

Sasori held up a finger, quieting Orochimaru. 

“Not right now,” Sasori said, “You can tell me on the way to Suna.”

Orochimaru looked very grumpy indeed.

~~~

After about an hour, the pair were finally ready to begin the week-long journey to Sunagakue. They had packed light, mainly storage seals containing barrels of clean water for Orochimaru to drink, as well as the remaining rations packs that Zetsu had delivered earlier, and some scrolls which Sasori planned to use to leave messages to his burgeoning spy network, and one which Sasori had begun working on in Ryuuchi Cave, and then further developed while lounging in the hot spring. 

Having been a high-ranking member in the Suna military force, Sasori had of course been able to leave the village with numerous contacts still in place. Since joining Akatsuki he had slowly been activating them, and gaining a broader picture of the political climate in the village, but the picture thus far had been...depressing.

In the wake of The Third Kazekage’s mysterious disappearance, the village council had elected a jonin named Rasa as Interim Kazekage initially, and then eventually, when it became clear that The Third was not coming back, as Fourth Kazekage proper.

As a ninja, Rasa was unremarkable. He had been a disciple of The Third’s, but lacked his mentor’s raw strength and intelligence, and thus had only managed to learn how to control “Gold Dust” rather than achieving true proficiency with magnetism. He had been chosen, Sasori had learned, based mainly on this cosmetic resemblance to the Third, rather than on the basis of skill or experience. As it happened, the first name on the shortlist for Fourth Kazekage had initially been Sasori himself.

First for a very brief amount of time, until Sasori made a point of wiping out several of the village’s strongest clans as a final ‘farewell.’ That had hurt his chances in the election quite substantially, although apparently, to Sasori’s great amusement, not enough to totally remove him from consideration.

Still, he felt no regret over the missed opportunity. In truth, the village had never felt like a home to him. He had been content to turn his back on Suna and never look back, but fate had had other plans for him, and as the only Akatsuki member from Sunagakure, he ended up sort of becoming the  _ de facto  _ Suna specialist. As a result, he had found himself returning (in disguise) quite regularly, although this was the first time he would be returning for the sake of…

_ I must have heard him incorrectly. _

“Could you repeat yourself, Snake-senpai?” Sasori said, trying to forget what he had just heard, trying to disbelieve his senses.

“Of course, Sasori-kun,” Orochimaru replied, “My plan to make amends for my egregious conduct back at Ryuchi Cave is this: I will help you to increase your chakra reserves!"

"Ah yes," Sasori said, waiting for the other shoe to drop, "I believe I heard that part correctly. Now, how again did you suggest we go about ahieving that end?"

"Well," Orochimaru said excitedly, "In order to increase your chakra reserves  _ without giving you a new body _ , I have come to the truly ingenious conclusion that we should simply obtain the Ichibi and seal him inside of you. Genius, no?”

_ So I heard him correctly. Farewell, my sanity. _

Sasori felt it swelling in him, his greatest foe and constant enemy: an outward display of emotion. The stupidity of Orochimaru's plan was too much to simply accept. Pushed to his absolute breaking point, Sasori was forced to activate his Earth chakra and actively remold his face to prevent it from displaying the incalculable bafflement and exhaustion Orochimaru’s latest suggestion had caused in him.

“I think,” Sasori said, burning through his reserves at a record pace, “That that plan is by a small margin overly optimistic, and perhaps could use the tiniest bit of refinement.”

“Well we have seven days to refine it,” Orochimaru said cheerily, “It will be a fun bonding activity! Like assembling a wardrobe, or painting a room!”

_ Why is this my life? Why? What did I do wrong to end up in this timeline? _

Sasori felt his chakra already beginning to dwindle and so, using mental fortitude alone, he forcibly composed himself. Truth be told, in this particular instance it was impossible not to note how expanded chakra reserves could come in handy. Not to mention that Granny Chiyo had even shown him how to do the sealing for a jinchuuriki, all those years ago. Actually, perhaps it wasn’t an  _ entirely _ outlandish idea…

_ No, STOP. This is how he breaks me. Accept no compromise, broker no argument. _

But to reject the idea would be to acknowledge its enormous and obvious flaws, and there was no way Sasori could do that without flying off the handle. An impossible situation.

“I suppose we can discuss it,” Sasori said at last, giving in despite himself, “But I have a couple of additional conditions in order to accept this…’gift.’”

“By all means then,” Orochimaru said smugly, already counting this as a victory, “I’m open to anything, if it means my apology will be deemed adequate.”

“Well, first of all, I need to know why we went to Ryuuchi cave. That's non-negotiable," Sasori said, redirecting the conversation to conceal his agitation, "When we were there you said you had gotten what you came for, so what was it?”

“A cursed seal,” Orochimaru explained, “It was The White Snake Sage who first showed me how to make them, after all. I haven’t had time yet to experiment with them, however, so I was hoping she could incorporate your sealing techniques into one in my place. She was able to, and so the trip was a success.”

“So why did she bite you, and then try to eat you?”

“Well, the bite was to apply the cursed seal,” Orochimaru said, and then noting Sasori’s unimpressed expression added, “She’s a snake, how else is she going to inject a complicated chakra structure? It wasn’t my choice, even if I approve of the aesthetics. I' took some time to examine the seal afterwards, and I think I can replicate it if need be, which would mean the trip was double successful. Really, very little went wrong.”

“And the whole ‘eating you’ situation?”

“Ah, well I suppose there's that. It’s sort of just...tradition there to eat those ninja who fail to obtain the secrets of Senjutsu after entering the cave. Survival of the fittest and all that.”

“But you said the seal worked, didn’t you? So why would she think you failed?”

“Probably because I lost consciousness, my boy.”

“Well  _ why did you lose consciousness?” _

Orochimaru shrugged, “Weak connection I suppose. Although that problem has been fixed now, thanks to your wonderful contribution to the seal. In fact, I spent the last few hours while you were gone gathering a vast amount of Sage chakra, and I am positively brimming with it now.”

_ Alright, humility threshold not achieved. Engage humiliating punishment.  _

“Ah,” Sasori said, demeanour suddenly changing, “So does that mean you have achieved the ‘Sage Mode’ of which you spoke?”

“Why yes indeed,” Orochimaru said smugly, “I have gathered enough Sage chakra now to enter and remain in Sage Mode for a good day or so before I have to recharge.”

“Care to show me?” Sasori said, cocking his head.

Orochimaru gave him a quizzical look, not trusting Sasori’s sudden interest in his achievements, but his desire to impress quickly overcame his suspicion and with a small “ahem” he formed a handsign and began to channel chakra. 

There didn't appear to be much changing with Orochimaru's appearance, but as he channeled more and more chakra an intense pressure began to emanate off him, and the entrance to the complex began to rumble slightly. Finally the chakra, pressure and rumbling seemed to reach a crescendo, and Orochimaru grandiosely unclasped his hands and brushed back his long hair to reveal the legendary power of ‘Sage Mode.’

He had grown a couple of little horns.

“That’s...cute?” Sasori said, painfully critically.

“I’ll admit that the outward effect is inconsequential,” Orochimaru said with a disappointed huff, “But in terms of physical strength, stamina, and speed, my power has increased twenty-fold at least. This is true power, my boy, the likes of which-”

“Ah, I see!” Sasori exclaimed, “So it worked, that’s excellent news. In that case, you can carry me.”

“Thank you, I- wait, excuse me?”

“No point in wasting your Sage Mode, right?” Sasori said cheerily, “So, come on. Give me your pack and let me get on your back. You can carry me to Suna.”

“I...Sasori-kun, I find that slightly demeaning.”

“Well, I found it slightly demeaning to lie about my marital status to a Great White Viper but sometimes we must do things for the sake of the group. That’s called  _ self-sacrifice,  _ Snake-senpai, and it’s an important virtue.”

“...”

“If you carry me, I'll consider your apology accepted."

"..."

"And I’ll let you tell me more about chakra planes, or whatever.”

“...fine. But I’m choosing the plane.”

“Fine by me. Now giddy-up!”

Sasori hopped on Orochimaru’s back, and, finding that the Snake Sannin had sprouted a couple of conveniently located spines to serve as handholds, gripped them firmly in his hands. Reluctantly, Orochimaru began to walk out of the complex, and then, as Sasori eagerly kicked his sides, increased his pace to a run, then a sprint, taking them out into the desert, and, many days away, towards Sunagakure. 

  
  


~~~

“This is quite fun,” Sasori said, sand bouncing harmlessly off of his porcelain eyes as he sailed through the air on Orochimaru’s back, “And the view when we crest a dune is stunning.”

“I’m so glad you’re enjoying yourself, Sasori-kun,” Orochimaru said sullenly, eyes blinking frantically to block the sand his sprinting was kicking up. They had been travelling for about an hour, and to Sasori’s surprise, Orochimaru was setting an incredible pace. If he kept this up for the rest of the day then, assuming they travelled at normal speed for the rest of the journey, they would be in Suna in only another four days.

“So,how does this ‘Sage Mode’ work,” Sasori asked, deciding to finally cut Orochimaru some slack and let him pontificate. He’d earned it, after being such a good and apologetic colleague. “Are you working off of some kind of battery of Sage Chakra? Or perhaps you’re connected to the Sage Chakra Plane now?”

“Both of those hypotheses are approximately correct,” Orochimaru said, voice even despite his speed and the load he carried, “Sage chakra attracts itself, it tends to cluster, so now that I’ve pulled in a sufficient amount to enter Sage Mode, the rest of the Sage Chakra in my environment is being pulled to me passively.”

“You can think of Sage Mode as forcing open a connection to the Sage Chakra Plane to pull in Sage Chakra more quickly. This requires an initial investment of Sage Chakra, as well as a continuous supply of it to be maintained.”

“Now, if I were using Sage Mode to enhance my jutsu in addition to my body, I would run out of Sage Chakra rather quickly, perhaps in a matter of minutes. But, since I am conserving it, I am losing only a small amount to the cost of keeping Sage Mode active, and that amount is being replenished fairly rapidly thanks to us running so quickly across the land. By staying moving, I constantly put myself in a new location, meaning my environment is constantly replenished with more Sage Chakra to pull in.”

“In fact, I believe my earlier calculations were mistaken. Taking the higher rate of regeneration provided by constant relocation into account, I believe I will be able to maintain Sage Mode for more or less the entire trip, and arrive in Suna with more chakra than I started with.”

Sasori’s eyes widened, hearing Orochimaru’s revised estimate. That would cut their trip down to only three days, provided Orochimaru was able to keep this pace the whole time, and he'd still be at _full power_ after they arrived. The whole reason Sasori had chosen the hidden complex as his base of operations had been that is was nearly impossible for a normal shinobi to journey to it alive. Orochimaru hadn't even broken a sweat.

_ This is the power he's been after for so long. No wonder he was so hasty to act. _

“So this is why you brought us to Ryuuchi Cave,” Sasori said, more to himself than Orochimaru, “This is what you’ve been chasing?”

“Ah, yes,” Orochimaru said, somewhat sheepishly, “I had hoped to reveal things a little more...majestically than this, but I suppose it’s an adequate demonstration. This is a power that only a handful of ninja have ever achieved.”

“Incredible,” Sasori said, looking down at his mount with a dawning sense of awe. Sasori could literally _feel_ the power radiating off of Orochimaru's body, his hands tingling from the sensation of the Sage Chakra. Tingling and turning slightly pale. Turning slightly pale and developing ssscalesss…

“WHOA!” Sasori said, releasing his grip on Orochimaru’s spines like they were burning hot. The sudden shift in orientation made him lose his balance and he fell off of Orochimaru’s back, tumbling at high speeds through the sand.

“Sasori!” Orochimaru shouted in surprise, turning on a dime to face his fallen comrade. He tried to reverse direction to run back to gather Sasori, but the momentum from his earlier movement propelled him deep into the sand, burying him.

Meanwhile Sasori had jumped to his feet and was frantically waving his hands as if trying to shake off the Bad Chakra. It was encroaching on him, and as the weirdness spread over his intricately patterned hand, the snakes on it began to come to life and fall off.

“OROCHIMARU,” Sasori said, about an octave higher than usual, “MAY I HAVE A WORD ABOUT YOUR SAGE CHAKRA?”

Orochimaru burst out of the sand in front of him, wide-eyed and concerned.

“I’m so sorry!” Orochimaru said, moving in to help Sasori but then hesitating before he touched him, “I must have exceeded my ability to store the Sage Chakra, and it started seeping into you!”

“That’s a good hypothesis,” Sasori said frantically, “Now please do something before I turn into a fucking _snake!_ ”

“Ok, Ok, Uh, Um,” Orochimaru said, thinking quickly, “OK, I’ll deplete my reserves a little bit and then suck the Sage Chakra out!” 

As soon as he finished speaking, Orochimaru turned his head to the side and hastily went through the handsigns for a Mud Wall Jutsu. Immediately he began spitting out a stream of Mud that seemed to grow directly up from the spot where it landed on the sand, climbing rapidly into the sky.

Wiping his mouth with the back of his arm, the jutsu finished, Orochimaru said earnestly, “Now hold my hands,” as he extended his out towards Sasori. Not thinking, Sasori extended his too and in an instant their hands were clasped together.

Orochimaru closed his eyes, and began to concentrate intently, his grip on Sasori’s hands tightening just a small amount. Sasori looked at him, silently pleading him to squeeze harder, then looked down to see the white, scaled appearance which had by that point extended up to his elbows begin to dissipate and return to normal. He felt the foreign chakra, which he could only describe as  _ fear,  _ and  _ awe  _ vanish from his body.

“There,” Orochimaru said after about a minute, opening his eyes, “I think that should do it.”

Sasori just looked at him. 

“I’m so sorry, Sasori,” Orochimaru said, “That was shamefully careless of me, I should have known better, I was just so-”

“Don’t apologize,” Sasori said, blinking away the sensation of fear, “I was the one who made you carry me.”

Orochimaru opened his mouth to say something but stopped halfway through. They were both silent. After a second, they both realized they were still holding hands.

“Ah!” Orochimaru said, blushing and pulling his hands away abruptly like he’d just finished a Rubik’s Cube in record time, “My apolog-”

“No! It’s fine!”

“I wasn’t try-”

“No, of course not-”

“I just-”

“Orochimaru-”

“I mean I was so worried, and you-”

“ _ Orochimaru.”  _ Sasori’s voice quieted the sputtering Sannin. 

“It’s fine,” Sasori said softly, “Thank you.”

Orochimaru stood there numbly, hands still raised in the air. Sasori looked around quickly, then flashing a furtive glance back at Orochimaru, picked up his fallen pack and began walking again.

Orochimaru was paralyzed for another moment, then,blinking rapidly, shook off the shock and began to follow Sasori across the desert. Unbeknownst to him, his colleague was smiling more than he had in years. Behind them, a wall of mud, now baked into hardened dirt, soared up, up into the sky, a pillar of earth twenty stories tall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is that...the hint of a ship? Off in the distance? No, couldn't be. Not in my fix-it fic.  
> FYI Orochimaru says his speed increased 20x due to Sage Mode but that was just a figure of speech. It's probably more lie 2 or 3 times at most.  
> Finally some other characters enter the mix, although they aren't our focus in this fic, so please excuse the loose characterization. Chronologically, BTW, this fic is meant to take place around a year or so after Naruto is born. It seems possible that Orochimaru didn't join Akatsuki until much later, but at the same time it seems unlikely that Akatsuki was so empty for so long, so IDK. Kisame definitely probably shouldn't be present yet, but whatever. I like having him around, and again, empty Akatsuki feels so bizarre.


	5. Suna Or Later

It was agreed that Sasori would complete the rest of the journey to Suna on foot. Orochimaru suggested that he could go on ahead and grab the Ichibi on his own, but Sasori was skeptical of the Snake Sannin’s ability to successfully infiltrate Suna by himself, and also worried that if the Ichibi was captured that that might make it slightly difficult for Sasori to access his agents within the city. You know, on account of it being an international incident and all? This seemed reasonable enough, so with Sasori setting the pace, they began the long journey to Suna.

There was little opportunity to really converse, since the desert winds whipping around them at high speed made even shouting inaudible.

_ This was much more pleasant with Sasori on my back. _

Orochimaru couldn’t help feeling a little sullen. He’d been so excited to attain Sage Mode, what was the culmination of literally a decade of work and numerous failed experiments, only to have it backfire immediately and probably scare Sasori away even more. 

_ I believe that is referred to as ‘regression to the mean.’ _

The combination of negative emotion and Sage Mode was guaranteed to steer Orochimaru’s thoughts towards Jiraiya. Jiraiya, who had abandoned the true path of a shinobi to instead author porn and play at subterfuge, all the while being hailed as the strongest of the Sannin simply for having obtained Sage Mode and training Minato Namikaze. 

If they knew the  _ lightyears  _ Orochimaru had travelled to obtain power, to protect Konoha, the moral sacrifice and constant struggle, having no time for  _ students  _ because he had  _ entire divisions of Root  _ to command, all the bloody deeds...well, it wouldn’t have won Orochimaru many more admirers, but it would be a  _ damn compelling  _ case for his appointment as Hokage.

_ Of course, none of that could ever have mattered. _

‘Minato is the  _ child of prophecy’ _ Jiraiya had confided in him, days before giving his Hokage-endorsement to Minato, ‘I have no choice.’ That wasn’t true in the end, but it wasn’t a dagger in Orochimaru’s back either, not really. Just the last straw. Jiraiya might as well have been saying ‘Please, stay in the shadows and let me forget about you.’ 

_ Of course, it was all my fault. _

His friends and mentor were all desperate to ignore him, but then just as quickly condemn him for ‘seeking power’ independently. So he fell dutifully into darkness, just in time for Hiruzen to remember his ‘favourite student’ and run him out of Konoha. The irony of it twisted Orochimaru’s stomach into knots. 

So he lashed out, so that they would pay him  _ some  _ kind of attention. It was his  _ modus operandi,  _ and it worked. Provoke a reaction, do something they can’t ignore,  _ become something  _ they can’t ignore. Rewarding the action reinforces the action. That’s basic behavioural psychology, but its effects cut both ways.

_ And now that buffoon chases me everywhere I go.  _

Although Orochimaru suspected it would be some time before Jiraiya caught up to him this time. The trail would lead to Ame, and then go cold, as Orochimaru had been summoned directly from that village to Sasori’s base. It had been a year of constant pursuit and evasion, maybe this time Jiraiya would finally give up?

_ Let him. His replacement is far superior. _

Orochimaru’s gaze shifted to focus on his colleague, setting their new pace a few metres ahead of him. He was content to follow, for once.

~~~

They ran literally without stopping for days. Sasori didn’t need to rest or eat, and Orochimaru had found that while in Sage Mode his energy seemed limitless, and his appetite non-existent. His Sage Chakra  _ was  _ being drained, given that they were now travelling at Sasori’s slower pace, but it was fairly slow, and Orochimaru estimated he would still have a healthy reserve by the time they reached Suna.

Little occurred in that time. They had joined in on a remote meeting with the rest of the Akatsuki one night, but there was nothing new to report on anyone’s end, and so they left early when the usual disagreements about cannibalism began. 

On another occasion, Orochimaru had detected, thanks to the fuckoff overpowered abilities of Sage Mode, a Suna patrol coming their way, so he and Sasori spent a couple of hours hiding quietly in a little hollowed-out sphere of sand below the surface while they waited for the patrol to pass. This had been silent too, to avoid giving away their position, and Sasori had taken the time to work on the seal work of a scroll he had brought, while Orochimaru meditated to preserve Sage Mode.

Finally, however, they approached the outskirts of Sunagakure, and changed gears from conspicuous ninja running to plausible traveler walking, slipping on to a main road and disguising themselves appropriately. 

Now travelling at a reasonable speed, conversation was once again possible.

“So, my boy,” Orochimaru began, “Have you given any thought to how we might obtain the Ichibi? I have my ideas but I am open to discussion on the matter.”

“I have given that zero thought.” Sasori said, in his usual, infuriating monotone.

“Ah-” Orochimaru said, caught off-guard, “Really? We’ve been running for seven days and you didn’t spend a single moment considering how to capture and extract the Ichibi?”

“I had other things to think about, is all,” Sasori said mildly.

_ Like how to get away from me, presumably. _

“I see,” Orochimaru said, trying to hide his disappointment, “So shall I outline my plan?”

“By all means.” Sasori didn’t seem to be paying much attention, but Orochimaru could change that.

“Well first, I’ll create a distraction. Probably a large summons in the eastern area of the village will do the trick.”

“A snake?”

“Well...yes.”

“How many other ninja do you know of who can summon giant snakes?”

“...Do other snakes count as ninja?”

“Obviously not.”

“Then zero.”

“Exactly,” said Sasori curtly, “So no snakes. That’s far too conspicuous. If Orochimaru of The Sannin attacks Suna it will create an international incident.”

“To be fair,” Orochimaru replied, “I think that kidnapping the Ichibi’s jinchuuriki will probably also cause an international incident.”

“Yes,” Sasori said wearily, “That’s another problem, and part of why I am not 100% enthusiastic about this ‘gift.’ Pain-sama will be extremely displeased if we start another Shinobi World War, for example by destabilizing a foreign government.”

In that instant an incredible, genius idea occurred to Orochimaru.

“Well, what if we didn’t have to destabilize it? What if we  _ increased  _ its stabilization?” 

Sasori stopped and turned to look at him, a look of anticipated horror already visible.

Orochimaru began to speak, but Sasori held up a finger to quiet him.

“I’m not doing this,” Sasori said flatly, “You’re about to suggest something ludicrous, on top of the already ludicrous idea to kidnap the Ichibi just to give me a chakra boost, and I’m not going to tolerate it.”

“But-”

“No. Whatever you were going to suggest, no. Preemptively, I refuse.”

Orochimaru literally deflated, his body somehow becoming depressurized and pooling onto the sand. These shenanigans were actually extremely chakra intensive, but Orochimaru had a brand to preserve, and Sage Chakra to spare, so really the decision was easy.

“Fuck, get up,” Sasori said irritably, “Somebody could see you do that.”

“Can’t get up,” Orochimaru slurred through dilapidated lips, “Dreams, ambitions crushed.”

“Ninja Jesus Christ,” Sasori said, rubbing his temples as though that would in any way effect the extreme migraine he could feel manifesting, “Why do I all for this shit. God damn it. You can tell me your plan, ok? Just know that my answer is a pre-emptive ‘no.’”

Orochimaru sprang with excitement back into rigidity, resuming his disguise.

“OK so here’s the plan: I kill Rasa, and then use Impure World Resurrection on his corpse to bring back The Third Kazekage- I’m assuming your puppet contains some of his DNA, yes?- Anyway we bring him back then I  _ body change into his zombie form _ and then we stabilize that with a combination of my cursed seal and your body-preservation seal, and then we claim that we returned, and say that it was you who rescued me, me being the Third Kazekage in this case, and then I use my office to  _ gift _ you the Ichibi as a reward.”

“...”

“Also, we can bring back your parents.”

“Not that it matters, because the answer is no, now more than ever, but you’re OK with just casually orphaning Rasa’s kids?”

“More than OK. If you’re really concerned we can send them to my village and Kabuto can take care of them.”

Sasori did a double-take. 

“You have a village..?”

“Well, it’s still in the planning stages at the moment. I’m having some trouble getting the right land use permits from the Land of Rice Fields, and yes, before you ask,  _ obviously  _ I’m going to change the name to something cooler.”

“OK, just...hold on a second.” Sasori closed his eyes, and put his hands to his head, as if thinking deeply. Orochimaru had noticed that the puppetmaster didn’t really have that many facial expressions, so he found it charming to see the scrunched up eyebrows and frown over an otherwise placid expression. 

“Alright,” Sasori said, sighing deeply, “Again, still a huge no to your plan, but...it’s not entirely unreasonable. There’s a possibility that we can orchestrate things so that Rasa covers up us stealing the Ichibi, and none of the other villages even have to know. I’m actually his cousin, so-”

“What?” Orochimaru interjected suddenly, “Is that canon?”

“No, not at all, but we both have red hair.” Sasori looked...oddly determined. Orochimaru couldn’t for the life of him guess why, but he was willing to attribute to a desire for greater power, which was always a good quality to have. 

“Let me get in contact with some of my agents when we get to the city, and I’ll draft a message to Rasa, to be delivered after we...create some leverage.”

“Oh? How will we do that, my boy?” Orochimaru could see that Sasori was getting into the scheming, and it made him giddy to imagine. 

_ Hell yes. This is how it should go every time. Genius plan meets genius execution. What an upgrade. _

“I have an idea for that too, but it’s risky. Worst case scenario, you can go snakeshit on them in Sage Mode, I suppose, but, if it works, my 'solution' should be able to preserve our anonymity.” Sasori looked downright fiery with his sudden passion for the plan. Orochimaru feared he might swoon. He had to press his luck, quickly.

“I must say, Sasori-kun, for someone who had zero thoughts about our Ichibi Extraction plan before, you do seem rather invested in its execution now. Did something change?”

“Yes,” Sasori said bluntly, turning back to the main road, and striding purposefully towards Suna, Orochimaru once again following eagerly after.

~~~

The pair of disguised shinobi were able to enter Sunagakure with little resistance. Of course they had been asked by the Sand-ninja guarding the village gates as to what their business was, but Sasori had responded smoothly that they were biologists and they had come to report on ongoing Scorpion Preservation efforts in the South East. This had apparently been unremarkable enough to allow them in. 

They headed to a nearby inn, and, after booking a room, and preparing some simple warding jutsu to prevent any eavesdropping, they began to discuss a plan of attack. Sasori, being the obvious expert in all things Suna, took point on strategy.

“OK, before we begin, I’ll need a day or two to contact some of my agents in the village and to draft a suitable message for you to leave for Rasa,” Sasori began, “In that time you can case the Kazekage’s home- it's a large building on the North side of the village- and develop a plan for infiltration and extraction.”

He continued, “On the day of the mission, I’ll need your help with my distraction, but once it’s in place we can part ways. You’ll then go to capture the Ichibi, and I’ll go retrieve the DNA we’ll need for the Impure World Resurrection Jutsu.”

“Ah, for your parents, of course,” Orochimaru said, “I had forgotten about that. Don’t forget that the jutsu requires living sacrifices as well.”

“Right,” Sasori nodded, “That shouldn't be a problem. I can obtain one on my own, if you can take care of the other.”

“I don’t foresee that being an issue,” Orochimaru said, “What's more, I believe I can also assist in our retreat.”

As he spoke he withdrew a scroll from his robes and laid it on the ground, then, biting his thumb, he smeared a trail of blood across five identical seals. Placing his hand on the seals caused a large puff of smoke to appear, and when it disappeared, Orochimaru was fondly cradling five thin snakes.

“Summoning snakes,” he said, grinning wildly, “My own innovation of course. They take in a bit of your chakra, then when you release them they use it to reverse-summon you to Ryuuchi Cave. If you and I take one each, and give one to each of our ‘sacrifices’ and one to the jinchuuriki, we can all make it there in the blink of an eye, no escape-route needed. From there, it's but a short journey to my village.”

“Amazing,” said Sasori, holding out his arm for the snakes to coil onto. 

“And may I ask your names?” he said to the two that Orochimaru had coaxed over to him.

“They can’t speak English,” Orochimaru said, “But I refer to those two by the names Flotsam and Jetsam.”

“Hm,” Sasori said waiting a moment before adding, “Thought you might go somewhere with that but I suppose that instinct was poor. Unfortunate.”

“Souls they have, but language they lack,” Orochimaru agreed, “Now I believe that means our plan is complete, yes?”

“That’s right,” Sasori agreed, “I just need your help briefly to finish this seal-work.”

As he spoke, Sasori pulled out the scroll he had brought with him from Ryuuchi Cave and unrolled it on the ground next to Orochimaru’s, who leaned in to examine its contents.

“ _ For goodness snakes,  _ Sasori-kun,” Orochimaru said breathlessly when he realized what the scroll was meant to do, “I am...60% sure that this will fail, but if it doesn’t it’ll be spectacular. Now first off, I think you might want to change this character here to be the alternate honorific, given the intent...”

Sasori and Orochimaru leaned over the scroll together, trading a brush back and forth while adjusting the scroll, not even noticing that the sun had gone down until many hours later.

~~~

Two days later, at the crack of dawn, Akatsuki Squad Snake Puppet assembled at the South side of the village, as far from the Kazekage’s office and home as possible. Sasori had given Orochimaru the note to leave for Rasa, and contacted all his agents, so all that remained was to create a distraction.

“Alright,” Sasori said, unfurling a now heavily decorated scroll, “I didn’t enjoy how this turned out last time, but I’m trusting you here. Are you ready?”

“Ready,” Orochimaru said, all business. Sasori nodded then, and as he leaned over the scroll, Orochimaru placed his hands on Sasori’s shoulders and began to channel Sage Chakra.

_ Show me what you can do, my boy. _

In one fluid motion, Sasori emptied a vial of his blood onto the scroll in front of him and then pressed both hands firmly into it. There was a surge of chakra from him, and then Orochimaru felt an immediate pull on his reserves of Sage Chakra.

He could feel it simultaneously draining from him and accumulating in the scroll in front of Sasori, a tremendous pressure building up in front of them as more and more chakra flowed across the two.

“WROOOOOOOORRRRRR,” Sasori shouted as the pressure built up to a crescendo and then released as an explosion of smoke and chakra. 

From the cloud an ancient, and incredibly deep voice sounded.

“ _ What the fuck,” _ it said, as the smoke parted to reveal the largest goddamn scorpion Orochimaru had ever seen. The mere act of summoning it had crushed part of the cliff face surrounding the village, and boulders were now beginning to tumble down its side, crashing into buildings and causing destruction.

“ _ Who,”  _ the enormous scorpion bellowed, rivaling even Lord Manda in size, the ground shaking as it flexed its pincers and tail, “ _ the fuck, has summoned LORD KARASHIN, GREATEST OF THE ANCIENT, LOST TRIBE OF THE SAND SCORPIONS?” _

“It was I!” Sasori shouted from his place atop a now dangerously unstable building, “And as your summoner I command you!”

“ _ Oh?” _ Karashin said, many eyes suddenly focusing on the insect before him, “ _ And what is your command, little, red scorpion?” _

“Reduce this place to rubble,” Sasori said gesturing to the village behind him as he spoke.

“ _ With pleasure,”  _ Karashin replied, bringing his pincers high up into the air before smashing them down onto the row of buildings before him. 

The distraction in place, Sasori and Orochimaru shadowstepped to the street below and, nodding once to each other, they went their separate ways. 

As Orochimaru headed towards the Kazekage’s Office, he saw numerous Sand Ninja running in the opposite direction. Disguised as a villager, Orochimaru was easily able to blend into the crowd who were very sensibly fleeing the giant attacking scorpion. 

_ That was so sick. God damn. _

Orochimaru did his best not to fully faint from the sight of his and Sasori’s  _ joint  _ handiwork. Their first real scientific collaboration! The rediscovery  _ and successful resummoning _ of a novel Animal Tribe! Of ourse it went without saying that the contract Sasori had independently written from scratch would fetch literally thousands of ryo on the open market, not to mention utterly revolutionizing virtually any nation’s military. Then of course there was the possibility of Scorpion Sage Mode...

The Snake Sannin’s flight of fancy was cut short when he sensed a powerful chakra approaching rapidly from the direction he was headed. Surrounded by villagers, and in a masterful henge, he felt little concern over being discovered, but nonetheless he readied himself for a potential combat situation.

The source of the powerful chakra quickly revealed itself: Rasa, the Fourth Kazekage, travelling quickly through the air on some kind of flying sand platform.

_ Not sand, Gold Dust. _

One hundred times lamer. Imagine using  _ gold  _ as your weapon of choice. One might as well fight with famous paintings or finely aged sake. So ostentatious and hollow. Orochimaru suppressed the urge to flare killing intent at the passing Yondaime to throw him off balance, and continued hurrying along to his destination along with the, now slightly less frenzied, fleeing crowd.

Instead, he continued running, even as the crowd around him began to slow down and disperse. In only a few minutes he had crossed the city, and was nearing the Kazekage’s compound, which he had cased the previous day. There were fewer guards patrolling, most likely they were mobilized to respond to the enormous scorpion besieging the village’s Northern neighbourhoods. 

_ This will be easier than expected _ .

Orochimaru ducked into a nearby alleyway, changed his henge to resemble one of the ninja guarding the compound, and ascended from the street onto a nearby rooftop he had chosen earlier. Glancing down to make sure his summoning snakes were still in place (they were) Orochimaru made his way to the edge of the roof, and then shadowstepped into a room that he could just make out from his position.

This was not the jinchuuriki’s room. He had ascertained that that was on the next floor up, in a less exposed location. Nonetheless, the room was empty, and it appeared Orochimaru had been undetected. He cautiously made his way to the door leading out to the hallway, and opened it slowly, looking for any potential guards patrolling this way. 

From the small opening he had made by cracking open the door, he saw no guards approaching from either direction of the hallway before him, although he did hear muffled sounds from the floor below. It sounded mostly like movement and barked commands, no doubt trying to coordinate a response to his and Sasori’s little ‘distraction.’ 

Not wasting any time, he slipped quietly out of the room, made his way down the hallway to the staircase, and quickly ascended it. At the top he ran into a guard about to come down, who had only a moment to realize that he didn’t recognize the guard before him, before a silencing seal was placed over his mouth and the blade of a sword was protruding from between his shoulder blades. 

The unlucky guard fell silently into Orochimaru’s arms, who laid him gently on the ground before continuing down the hallway. From his work the previous day, he knew that the jinchuuriki’s room was the first on the right. Making a quick series of handsigns, he summoned a brown rattle-snake, approximately for feet long and instructed it to stand guard at the staircase. 

Meanwhile, Orochimaru checked the rest of the rooms on the floor. As this was the top floor of the compound, it was relatively small and the few rooms aside from the jinchuuriki’s seemed to be for storage, and devoid of ninja. 

Having safely checked these, he proceeded to the last room, where the jinchuuriki was supposedly being kept. Putting his ear to the door, Orochimaru heard quiet conversation. He paused a moment to focus his senses, and then listened closely to ascertain the number of ninja waiting for him.

“...despicable monster…” he overheard.

_ Ah, yes, the scorpion has really rattled these sand nin. How delightful. _

“...you...never been born…a waste of the Ichibi...”

_ That’s...odd. _

The sound seemed to be coming from only one voice, and was directed away from him, so Orochimaru cracked the door open a small amount, letting him better hear what was being said.

“You really are a monster,” the voice said, Orochimaru placed it as belonging to a male ninja, 20-30 years of age, “I would kill you now if I could, demon-child. You’re lucky that my brother has such high aspirations for you.”

_ This is not what I expected. _

Orochimaru peaked around the corner of the door. As he suspected, there was but a single ninja in the room, a blond, young man, sitting in a chair across from a crib. The man seemed entranced with the infant he was addressing, and didn’t notice Orochimaru enter the room.

“I hate you so much, Gaara,” the man said bluntly, “I really, really hate you. I’m going to kill you one day, brutally, but not before I gain your trust and make you love me, so that it comes as a complete betrayal, so that you really suffer, because you’re a demon, and I hate you-”

Orochimaru rolled his eyes, walked up behind the man, and gave him a quick chop across the back of the head, knocking him out with one blow. He caught the man before his body could impact the ground and placed a silencing seal over his mouth, and then, for good measure, a paralysis seal on his body. 

“What a dick,” Orochimaru said to himself, “This is the guy who they have looking after the Kazekage’s son? No wonder Suna is such a laughingstock…”

“Ba!” came a voice from the crib. Orochimaru looked up, momentarily pausing while he tied up the anonymous asshole he had just subdued.

“Oh?” Orochimaru said, finishing up the last of the knots, and standing up to look over the crib, “Care to voice your opinion, little one?”

Inside the crib was a tiny, baby boy, no more than a year old, who had somehow wrestled himself free of being swaddled and was now waving his tiny hands at Orochimaru. He had piercing green eyes, and a shock of red hair, slightly darker than Sasori’s, and still wispy.

“Ah  _ ba _ ,” said the baby- Gaara, Orochimaru realized- his little hands reaching up as if trying to hold onto the Snake Sannin.

_ He’s...impossibly cute. This is why you keep adopting orphans, Orochimaru, they’re too damned cute. _

“Alright, if you insist,” Orochimaru said, holding out his arm for Gaara to grab onto. No sooner then his baby hands touched Orochimaru’s arm then a tiny summoning snake came out of Orochimaru’s sleeve and bit the little jnchuuriki. The boy cried out almost immediately, but was cut off as he and the snake suddenly disappeared.

With the baby gone and the guard subdued, Orochimaru had only one thing left to do. He carefully removed the scroll that Sasori had written for Rasa, a ransom note, and placed it in the now empty crib. With that done, Orochimaru picked up the unconscious ninja resting at his feet, and with the help of two more summoning snakes, made his escape. 

For a moment it felt like he was falling, and then he was deposited alongside his prisoner on the ground of a nondescript part of Ryuuchu Cave, near the entrance. Sasori was already there, along with a wheezing old man, who was unconscious and resting in what appeared to be a large...antlike puppet. In Sasori’s arms was a happily babbling Gaara.

“So I take it the mission was successful?” the larger of the redheads present asked, looking up from the small jinchuuriki and addressing Orochimaru with his characteristic nonchalance.

“And a flawless one at that,” Orochimaru beamed, depositing his captured sacrifice roughly on the ground at Sasori’s feet.

“Great,” Sasori said absentmindedly, returning his gaze to look at Gaara, who was struggling to grasp one of Sasori’s arms in his tiny hands, “I’d love to debrief, but perhaps that would be better done at a secure location?”

“Of course my boy,” Orochimaru grinned, “Let us depart, and make our way to the Village Hidden in...uh...well, my village. You know what I mean.”

Sasori merely nodded in agreement, and, holding out one hand, seemed to pick up the ninja Orochimaru had deposited on the floor of the cave as if by invisible strings, and deposited him into the now slightly cramped torso of his weird ant-puppet.

“Well in that case please lead the way, Snake Senpai.”

Orochimaru smiled and was happy to acquiesce, strolling forward and out of the cave as Sasori and his puppet followed in tow.

As the adrenaline from executing a mission in enemy territory began to fade, the atmosphere between the two became serene, and almost jovial. Without saying a thing, it was obvious to Orochimaru that both of them were riding a high. Their first real mission together had been a resounding success. Orochimaru felt relaxed, unhurried, and for once, had no desire whatsoever to prove himself or antagonize his partner. He was content merely being in Sasori's presence.

Orochimaru spared a glance behind him, to see Sasori playing with Gaara, quietly cooing at the precocious little boy who was trying with all his infant strength to pull on one of Sasori's fingers. Noticing Orochimaru looking back, Sasori spared him a wry smile before looking back down at Gaara. The sight made his heart melt. For once, Orochimaru felt no need to be anywhere but exactly where he was. 

_An eternity with him, hm. I suppose I wouldn't mind settling down._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: DNA stands for Dense Ninja Attributes, English is a word that refers to the universal language of all ninja, sometimes called “Shinobish”
> 
> Time for more Orochimaru exposition! Canon really does not give any justification for sympathizing with Mr. Oro so I thought I'd try my hand at spinning his behaviour in a more positive, if still totally unjustifiable light. Also, I regret to inform you all that this is now a Precious Baby Gaara fic and I will not be focusing on anyone else for the remainder. Them's the breaks.


	6. Togetherness

With their two captives in tow, and baby Gaara cradled gently in Sasori’s arms, the two Akatsuki made their way through the Land of Fire on the way to Orochimaru’s village in The Land of Rice Fields. According to the Snake Sannin, the village was less than a day away from Ryuuchi Cave, by design, and so they expected to arrive by nightfall. 

Their mission to capture Gaara had begun around dawn in Suna, and now it was early morning, around 7:00 or 8:00AM. Sasori was still dealing with mixed feelings from his time and actions in Suna, but it seemed like he would have to process those at another time. Orochimaru was very obviously ecstatic after their  _ joint success _ and seemed like he was dying to talk. Sasori felt guilty enough that they had spent the  _ seven day _ trip to Suna in silence, so he relented, and decided to indulge his partner.

“Something you wanted to know, Snake-senpai?” Sasori said lightly, looking over at Orochimaru, whose already serene expression lit up even more.

“Well, I must admit I’m quite curious as to how your end of the mission went,” Orochimaru said exuberantly, “I had thought it would have been harder to find your parents’ remains.”

“Ah,” Sasori said, images of his grandmother’s home and his parents’ puppets flashing through his mind, “No, it wasn’t much trouble. I had made them into puppets when I was younger-”

Orochimaru gasped.

“- _ after  _ they died in the Second Shinobi War,” Sasori added quickly, “My grandmother took me in, showed me how to use puppets and well, it seemed like the natural thing to do.”

“I see,” Orochimaru said slowly, as he turned to look back at their captives, some of the excitement draining from his voice, “So the puppets were at your...grandparent’s home?”

“Indeed they were.”

“And,” Orochimaru said evenly, “Am I correct in guessing that that old man, who you captured in order for us to use him as a sacrifice to revive your parents, that old man is in fact your grandfather?”

“That would be correct,” Sasori said, nodding in agreement.

“So, um,” Orochimaru ventured cautiously, “May I ask then why it seems that...uh...how to put this…”

“Take your time.” 

“Well, Sasori-kun, I suppose I’m curious as to why it looks like you...beat the shit out of him?”

As if on cue, Sasori’s grandfather wheezed loudly, and started coughing, eventually producing some blood for his efforts. Sasori spared a glance back the old man who was riddled with cuts and bruises, and whose ribs Sasori had made sure to break in several places.

“Ah, that,” Sasori said mildly. Scenes from earlier that morning flashed back to him, still fresh. Him breaking into the house quietly, his grandfather walking in on him removing his parents’ puppets from where they were stored, the geezer shouting, “Chiyo, the faggot’s home and he’s taking your children’s puppets!” Sasori calmly finishing storing the puppets in a storage seal before walking over to his grandfather and kicking him squarely in the chest, sending him flying-

“It was a tactical decision,” Sasori said without pause.

“Wh...what was the tactic?” Orochimaru asked hesitantly.

Sasori was barely present. He saw Chiyo running downstairs at the sound of commotion, Sasori henging into Konoha’s White Fang before she saw him, and then proceeding to dodge her attempts at retaliation while he continued to toss his grandfather across the room. Affecting the Hatake’s voice as he said “Do you think he’ll beg for his life like they did? Like your precious Third Kazekage did?” His grandmother’s desperate screams falling on deaf ears as he-

“Plausible deniability,” Sasori said, shrugging, “Needed my grandmother to think it was some Konoha ninja with a vendetta. Of course, no one will believe her, and thus no one will attribute the kidnapping and burglary to us.”

“I see,” Orochimaru said, quietly. It seemed his earlier enthusiasm had faded, but Sasori was a bit too lost in thought to pay it much attention.

His thoughts kept going back to his grandparent’s home,  _ his  _ home for most of his childhood. Chiyo lovingly showing him how to connect chakra strings to his fingers, how to channel chakra in  _ just  _ the right way to make the joints in the puppet move. One good memory poisoned by numerous decidedly worse ones. His grandfather shoving him to the ground, kicking him in the chest, berating his weakness. The old man finding the puppet replica he’d made of his teammate, the first man he’d loved, and smashing it to bits while Sasori watched on in tears-

“What about you, Orochimaru-kun?” Sasori said to distract himself, “Did everything go according to plan for you?”

“Ah, even better,” Orochimaru said, smiling sheepishly but for some reason still on edge, “Your distraction worked even better than expected; the Kazekage’s compound was almost empty when I got there. My captive there and another guard were the only enemies I encountered.”

“That’s good,” Sasori said, trying to focus on Orochimaru’s words and not his thoughts, “I suppose I should expect nothing less from one of the Legendary Sannin.”

“Ah, heh, yes,” Orochimaru said, smiling and rubbing the back of his head, “It seems I have good luck when it comes to Ame shinobi. You know, I almost killed our leader the first time we met too?”

“Uh, nice try,” Sasori said, remembering his battle with Orochimaru in the woods before his now-partner had formally joined Akatsuki, “Pain-sama would have wiped the floor with you if he’d been fighting seriously.”

“No, it was before you and I met, my boy,” Orochimaru corrected, “Right after the Second Shinobi War, in fact. The rest of the Sannin and I encountered Pain-sama, Konan-san, and a little red-haired orphan on the way back to Konoha, and, if not for the gallant Jiraiya, I would have killed them, just to put them out of their misery.”

“Wow,” Sasori said in surprise, “You’re really that ancient, huh?”

“Hush, boy! That’s no way to talk about your senpai!”

“So is that why you joined Akatsuki?” Sasori wondered, “To get back at Jiraiya somehow?”

“While I admit that a large part of what I do is to antagonize Jiraiya,” Orochimaru conceded, “In this case I was simply trying to build a fake rapport with our leader in order to get close enough to one day steal the Rinnegan from him.”

Sasori looked at him aghast.

“Uh, what the fuck? Do I need to call Pain-sama?”

“That was only  _ initially  _ why I joined,” Orochimaru said defensively, “Now that your seals have let me successfully achieve Sage Mode, I have no need for the Rinnegan. Besides, I  _ have  _ really been enjoying our little ‘missions’ together. I am in no rush to leave Akatsuki now that we’re partners.”

“Ah, that’s good to hear,” Sasori said, smiling a little. He had to admit, he  _ had _ enjoyed planning to sabotage his old village, even if the execution brought up some bad memories.

“What about you, Sasori-kun?” Orochimaru said, immediately bringing up way more bad memories, “Why did you join the Akatsuki?”

_ Fuck. _

Sasori really didn’t want to get into that. Ever. The whole point of having a puppet body and suppressing one’s emotions was  _ precisely to avoid dealing with said emotions,  _ and talking about the chain of events that led to Sasori joining was exactly akin to dealing with said emotions! 

_ But if I lie he’ll know, and if I stay silent he’ll pout. _

Still, Sasori could perceive that Orochimaru was going about things in...a gentle way? This wasn’t provocation for provocation’s sake, it seemed more like genuine concern? Hadn’t that been the real reason he joined in the first place: Konan’s look of concern as Sasori exhausted every bit of chakra he had futilely trying to kill her. Not concern for the quality of one’s tools, the way The Sandaime had looked at his soldiers, or the barely masked regret Chiyo always showed him. Just concern for a person who seemed to be struggling.

_ Fuck it. He’s already seen my heart, what’s one more vulnerability? _

“The short story is that Konan asked me to join,” Sasori said at last, then sighing added, “But I’m assuming you’re more interested in the long answer?”

“If that’s not too much trouble,” Orochimaru said sweetly, clearly trying to show Sasori he was on his best behaviour.

_ There’s no way I don’t regret this. _

“Well, you know I fought in the Third Shinobi War,” Sasori began, “Afterwards people started calling me ‘Sasori of the Red Sands.’ I guess people thought that I spilled so much blood that it stained the sand red or something, but there wasn’t actually a war front in Suna so that was obviously not the right reason.”

“Hm,” Orochimaru said, nodding thoughtfully, “That had occurred to me too, but I assumed people were talking about your pretty, red hair, my boy.”

“Unlikely, since I wore the same full head-coverings as all my other fellow soldiers. No, the name came about after one particular mission. We were sent to secure an outpost near the Iwa border, and my platoon was ambushed in the night by Iwa ninja, three times our number. I was the only one who survived.” 

“My goodness,” Orochimaru said, slightly impressed, “How did you escape? There must have been over a hundred Iwa ninja on your tail!”

“No, you misunderstand,” Sasori said, sighing, “I mean  _ I was the only one who survived.  _ I killed the rest of the Iwa nin on my own. I was drenched in blood, and it left a trail a mile long after I returned to basecamp. That’s when people started saying I came from ‘The Red Sands.’” 

Orochimaru was stunned, so Sasori continued.

“Anyway, after I cleaned myself up I had to report to The Third Kazekage, who was at that time leading our forces. I was crying, you know, since all the ninja under my command had just died. The Kazekage asked me if I had recovered my comrades’ bodies for use in the puppet corps; I told him I had not. Then he asked me, ‘Well why not, faggot?’ at which point I-”

Sasori paused. Orochimaru was listening, completely silent. 

The memories of the fight with The Third flashed through Sasori’s mind, as the man shifted from arrogance, to anger, to fear upon realizing what Sasori planned to do with him, to terror when he realized he would be alive for most of the process. Sasori didn’t know how to explain that part.

“I think I know what happens next,” Orochimaru said softly, rather than forcing Sasori to describe it, “Although I suppose the rest of the village still doesn’t.”

“Well, Rasa knows now,” Sasori said vacantly, “And many of the clans were briefly aware, when I used the Third’s puppet to eradicate them.I was just so...angry. For so long. Nothing made it go away. So I started to...just take it out. I remember my hands wouldn’t stop shaking, so I started with those...”

“Anyway, after that is when I met Konan,” Sasori added, almost as an afterthought, “She’d heard of me, sought me out, fought me till I couldn’t stand, then invited me to join. I told her I had no interest in joining a team just to watch all its members die, she told me to meet them first, then decide. So I did, and now here I am.”

“I see,” Orochimaru said slowly, taking in all that Sasori had said. Sasori deliberately didn’t look back at his partner, deliberately distanced himself from what he’d said. If he looked at Orochimaru, and he saw how he’d reacted, then it would be real. Then it would be undeniable that the person Sasori had described was the person he was now. If he didn’t look back, however, it was nothing. Just a story about someone else that Sasori happened to know.

“You...must not be fond of Kakuzu then.”

“ _ Fuck  _ Kakuzu.”

“And Kisame? He’s not immortal like the rest of them, as far as I can gather.”

“No, he is. His sword absorbs chakra from his enemies and slowly builds a clone of him inside over time. It’s pretty much as gross as most of the stuff you do.”

He felt Orochimaru’s hand on his back, as his partner came up right beside him.

“Well one of the things I do is kidnap jinchuurikis for my precious partner. So let’s look ahead to that!”

“And what’s that up ahead?” Orochimaru posed as he suddenly bounded ahead of Sasori and turned to face him, gesturing grandly at the scene now coming into view, “Why, it’s my as of yet unnamed but nonetheless very impressive village!”

As Orochimaru spoke, Sasori caught up to him, bringing them together beside the edge of an enormous ravine, inside of which, Sasori could see and hear, were several small buildings, adorned with jangling wind chimes. Orochimaru gestured to a small path leading off of the one they had been on and leading down the side of the ravine, and so together they descended, captives in tow.

  
  


~~~

They descended deep into the ravine, along a winding path that snaked back and forth across one side, and as they did, the sound of wind whistling through the ravine intensified. It was actually...strangely beautiful, Sasori thought. They were still well above the floor of the canyon, but Sasori could see it was littered with pillars of rock of various sizes, and as wind passed through them the whistling tones varied in pitch.

Adding to the ethereal sound was a subdued but ubiquitous jingling sound. As they finally reached the bottom of the path, they came across a bridge, which jutted out from the wall into the center of the ravine, leading to a small gatehouse of sorts, behind which there appeared to be several built up stone structures arranged around a high-walled courtyard. Adoring the bridge were numerous wind chimes, which seemed to be the cause of the jingling.

It put Sasori on edge, but he tried to remain polite.

“Hm,” Sasori said, “If only one could hide in a sound, you’d have the perfect setup for a hidden village.”

“Ugh, don’t start,” Orochimaru sighed as they made their way across the bridge, “Kabuto suggested that too and now all the kids are demanding it’s what I choose. I don’t want to give them any more ammunition.”

“I’m sorry,” Sasori said, looking over at his partner with eyebrows raised, “Did you say kids?”

Before Orochimaru could respond, a figure suddenly appeared before them, the characteristic swirling leaves of Konoha’s shadowstep appearing in its wake.

“Orochimaru-sama,” the figure said in a high, frail voice, “You’ve returned!” Upon closer inspection, the figure was a young boy, no older than 12, his grey hair pulled back in a tiny ponytail, and a pair of thick-rimmed glasses adorning his face. 

“Yes, dear Kabuto-kun,” Orochimaru said, grinning as he put his arm affectionately round Sasori, “And look, I’ve brought my partner from Akatsuki to visit!” Sasori bristled visibly at the touch, but remained still, not wanting to wake Gaara, who had fallen asleep in Sasori’s arms and was dozing peacefully.

“Your...partner?” Kabuto said, eyes flashing from Orochimaru, to Sasori, to Gaara, to Sasori, to Orochimaru, gradually widening with realization, “Orochimaru-sama! Is this...your husband? And you have a child together? Wow! I’m so honoured to meet you, Mr. Orochimaru!”

“Ah-” Sasori said, caught off-guard, “That’s not quite-”

“What my husband means to say,” Orochimaru said smoothly, “Is that  _ technically  _ we were married under Scorpion Law, so we don’t use titles like ‘husband’ or ‘waifu,’ we simply refer to each other as ‘partners.’ Speaking of monikers, my dear, sweet partner would prefer if you called him by his name, which is Sasori.”

Kabuto nodded, and then bowed very deeply to Sasori, who was now actively working to suppress his anger, and said reverently, “My deepest apologies, Sasori-san, I am very pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“Ah, and I yours,” Sasori said awkwardly, “Kabuto, is it?”

“Ah, yes sir!” Kabuto said, standing at attention and saluting, “Kabuto Yakushi, former spy for Konoha, now head of research and development for the Village Hidden in the Sound-”

“Kabuto!” Orochimaru admonished.

“Ah! I’m very sorry, Orochimaru-sama,” Kabuto said bowing again, “I mean  _ Orochimaru’s as-of-yet-unnamed Village, located in the Ravine. _ ” He looked up expectantly at Orochimaru, who nodded wearily while rubbing his temples.

“Well, Kabuto,” Orochimaru said, slightly impatiently, “That was a very nice introduction, but perhaps you could unlock the gatehouse for us so that we may speak in more relative comfort? We’ve had a long journey, and I technically haven’t slept in a week.”

“Ah, yes, of course, Orochimaru-sama, it’s just that-”

“Kabuto, what did I say about backtalk? Now be a good little boy and open the gate.”

“Yes, Orochimaru-sama,” Kabuto said glumly, gulping as he turned and ran over to unlock the gatehouse. He withdrew a key from one of his pockets, and placed it into the keyhole, but as soon as he turned it the door burst open, and several young children ran out.

“Oro-ji!” they all shouted in a chorus, crowding around the Snake Sannin’s legs and all speaking at once, shoving each other to get closer to him and pulling on his pant legs. Sasori observed them, completely shocked, not just by the quantity of the kids present, but also the quality. One of them literally had six arms, and they all had improbably large chakra reserves.

“These are  _ your kids? _ ” Sasori said, bewildered, “You have  _ six children? _ ” 

“Well technically there’s seen of them,” Orochimaru said jovially, ruffling the hair of one of the kids, and batting away another’s hand, “But otherwise, yes, they’re my  _ adopted  _ children. Orphans, mostly.”

“Mostly?”

“Ah, I suppose I’ll just have to introduce them all,” Orochimar sighed, feigning annoyance but obviously brimming with pride as he took on a stern tone, “Children, please behave yourselves. There’s someone I’d like you to meet. Everyone, this is Sasori. My partner.”

The children, all suddenly noticing Sasori, all seemed to become rather apprehensive. They eyed him suspiciously, but all seemed too shy or afraid to speak up. This, Sasori thought, seemed appropriate for a group of children who seemed to all be no older than four or five, from the looks of it, regardless of how scary some of them...no, most of them looked. 

At last, one of them stepped forward. They appeared to be one of the relatively older ones, and had shoulder length white hair, and red markings around their eyes. The other children all seemed to watch this lone, brave comrade very carefully, as a gauge for how they should feel too.

_ I guess he...she? Is the leader? Of these probably all kidnapped toddlers? _

“We,” the young boy began, voice adorably high yet somehow serious, “Awe not afwaid of you, Mr. Pawtner!” As he spoke, he pointed his finger at Sasori, and a tiny, pointed finger bone seemed to grow out of his tiny, pointer finger.

“Hm,” Sasori said, squatting down so he was at eye-level with the little boy, “Very impressive.”

In response to the child’s gesture, Sasori held out his hand in the same way and, marshalling his chakra, transformed the prosthetics of his outstretched hand to match the one pointed at him, a little, porcelain blade extending from his own finger.

The boy gasped, as did the rest of the assembled children, and, as if a spell had lifted, their demeanour changed immediately. From the one boy brave enough to confront him, Sasori got distinct ‘ _ Is this my cool dad?’  _ vibes, and from the rest ‘ _ Is this our cool dad’s cool friend?’  _ vibes.

“What a nice introduction,” Orochimaru said with a slight chuckle, “Sasori, please meet my favourite one, Kimimaro. He’s the last descendant of the Kaguya clan, and possesses an extremely rare bloodline, as he just so kindly demonstrated.”

Kimimaro, eyes extremely wide as he took in an awesome adult role model, bowed, fell slightly off balance, and was caught and stabilized by another of the kids, this one with wild, orange hair and torn clothes.

“Ah, and here we have young Juugo,” Orochimaru continued, “An incredible bloodline of his own.”

“Then there’s Tayuya,” Orochimaru gestured to the only girl present, who was pouting fiercely, and gripping something in her tiny hands, “She has a cool, evil flute.”

“Jirobo,” Orochimaru gestured at a slightly chubby little boy who had a tuft of orange hair, “An Akimichi boy I uh…’liberated’ from his family back in Konoha.”

“Kidomaru,” Orochimaru said, pointing to a little boy with, somehow, six arm, “Sakon, and lastly...Sakon my boy, where’s your brother?” The little grey-haired boy Orochimaru was addressing just shrugged, but as he did, extremely inexplicably, a second head, for lack of a better word, ‘popped’ out of the top of his own.

“Boo!” said the little head, which seemed to be identical to the one it had come out of.

“Ah, and there’s mischievous, little Ukon,” Orochimaru concluded, “I’ll tell you all about them later, Sasori-kun. First, however, I believe we should deal with our captives.”

“And I also believe,” Orochimaru said somewhat crossly, turning to Kabuto, “That these little rapscallions should have been in bed by now, hm?”

“Of course, Orochimaru-sama, I’m very sorry, Orochimaru-sama,” Kabuto said, bowing deeply, “I will see to it at once.”

With that, the frankly exhausted-seeming Kabuto began ushering the children back inside, employing a flurry of threats, bargains, and commands to herd the group of mostly toddlers back inside the gatehouse, with only moderate success.

“My deepest apologies, Sasori-kun,” Orochimaru said, turning to face his partner, “I didn’t expect the young ones to be awake at this hour. I’ll have Kabuto see that they don’t bother us while we’re here.”

Sasori just looked at him. By now he learned to disregard most of his expectations regarding Orochimaru, but the revelation of his progeny was...hard to overcome. The incessant jingling of windchimes, and impromptu marriage lies were still gnawing at Sasori’s resolve, but the bizarreness of what he had just witnessed demanded an answer.

“Why,” Sasori said, completely puzzled, “Or perhaps,  _ how _ do you have so many children?”

“Well the how is that I found them,” Orochimaru reminded his partner, “As for the why, I thought you would know me well enough by now to guess.  _ Power _ , my boy. These children have all been extremely useful in the development of many of my pet-projects. Body-changing, cursed seals, that thing where I emerge from my own jaws like a banana slipping out of its peel, all greatly helped by insights I gleaned from studying these peculiar little children.”

Sasori frowned. He was reminded of his grandfather.  _ ‘You are a tool of this village, Sasori, and a tool exists only to be useful to others, do you understand? _ ’

“So that’s it? They’re stepping stones?” Sasori said, trying to hide his slowly building anger, as the jangling of chimes in the background began to be drowned out by a steadily increasing wind passing through the ravine.

“No, no, no,” Orochimaru said, interpreting Sasori’s elevated hostility as valid criticism, “Of course I wouldn’t keep them around if they were no longer useful to me. They’re an insurance policy, too. Each one will someday bear my cursed seal, and so bear a portion of my chakra, from which I can be revived. Kimimaro, in particular, I’m hoping to make into one of my next vessels.”

_ ‘You are merely a vessel of my will, boy, and you will do as I command.’ _

Sasori clenched his fists, causing the little protrusion on his finger to snap off. Killing intent flared around him, and wind howled around them. He couldn’t suppress the anger for another second. He stepped aggressively towards Orochimaru, and lifted his hand to point a finger accusingly, eyes ablaze.

“You-” he began to speak, but he was interrupted by Gaara, who woke up and began to cry, “Fucking hell- Shit- It’s ok, I’m sorry-” Sasori was forced to abandon his train of thought as he tried to calm down the wailing infant.

_ For fuck’s sake, this is why I only deal with puppets. _

Much harder to enslave and brainwash a puppet. Well, practically it was much easier, but ethically it was rarely a problem. Sasori’s frustration at the decidedly difficult to manipulate baby only compounded with his anger at Orochimaru’s cavalier indifference towards his many wards and the  _ constant, incessant wind _ .

Despite the wind, however, it seemed Orochimaru was able to read the situation very clearly.

“Sasori-kun,” he said softly, “Give him to me. I have a little bit of experience calming down children, you know.”

Sasori could tell that until he was able to reign in his anger, he would be flaring killing intent at Orochimaru and catching Gaara in the assault, so he angrily handed the crying jinchuuriki to his partner.

Orochimaru began to gently rock the baby and coo softly to it, as Sasori turned and stormed into the gatehouse, angrily jerking the puppet carrying their captives along with him. 

Passing through the gatehouse, and into the main compound, Sasori took in his surroundings, trying to distract himself from the urge to kill the serial kidnapper and child-soldierer he had just left. 

There were a number of squat, bare buildings, barracks from the look of them, and Sasori hypothesized that this had been a former outpost of the now, as far as he knew, defunct military of the Land of Rice Fields. There were a few lanterns hanging from light posts, although they had yet to be lit for the night, as well as other rudimentary military implements: a latrine, a showering area, a well, a sizeable fire pit. There were also, unsurprisingly, dozens and dozens of bags of rice piled up along virtually every exposed wall and surface. 

As he watched, Sasori saw the six-armed boy climb out of one of the barracks’ windows and spider-crawl across the wall, followed by Kabuto who just followed by employing tree-climbing techniques, as any good shinobi would. Sasori took note of that building, and made his way to another, this one differing in construction from the rest. It seemed likely that it had been constructed using a variety of earth jutsu. 

Sasori entered the earthen building, and was relieved to feel that yes, this was an Earth-chakra construction, and so he could draw a small amount of chakra from it. Looking around, the interior was bare, lacking even bags of rice, and featureless except for a large circle of jutsu formula in the center of the room.

_ That’s a distraction, at least. _

Sasori began to read the markings, letting himself be absorbed by the abstractions he read and focusing his attention on deciphering their functioning. It quickly became clear to him that to understand this sealing array would require his full attention, as it was one of the most complex and esoteric he had ever encountered. Several terms were completely foreign to him, for example there was frequent mention of some ‘God of Death’ which Sasori had never seen in his studies. 

He didn’t have long to examine the markings, however, as only a few minutes later Orochimaru joined him, Gaara absent.

“I gave Gaara to Kabuto for the time-being,” Orochimaru began, voice faltering somewhat, “He’s stopped crying, and gone back to sleep, but I imagine you’ll want to collect him and leave after we revive your parents.”

Sasori just looked at him.

“I am not sure what I have done to upset you,” Orochimaru said, somewhat hesitantly, “But I can make an educated guess. Let me just say, in my defense, that these children were all orphans, Jirobo excluded, and had I not taken them under my wing, it is likely that they would have perished on their own.”

“When the only reason that they’re orphans is that you slaughtered their clan,” Sasori began, turning to glare at Orochimaru, “Then that defense loses a bit of strength.”

“As it happens,” Orochimaru said coolly, “Freaks like these children are often orphaned while their parents are alive and well. As for Jirobo, I was ordered to kill him to send a message to the Akimichi, but I chose to kidnap him instead, and spare his life. Now, I have done many awful things, Sasori, but this, I think, is not one of them.”

“Of course, you are free to disagree with that,” Orochimaru said dismissively, “And free to leave if you so desire. This resurrection, and this bijuu are my gifts to you, and you may reject them at your leisure.”

_ ‘You have a gift, Sasori; it is your duty to use it.’ _

“And if I reject your ‘gifts?’ If I leave now, and reveal to Pain-sama what we’ve done? What will you do then?”

Orochimaru hummed, and put his hand to his chin pensively.

“Well, without your help to stabilize the resurrections,” Orochimaru replied, “They would be of no more use to me than a regular Edo Tensei summons, so I suppose I would merely use these captives as experiments.”

“As for young Gaara and the Ichibi,” Orochimaru paused to think, “I would return him to the Kazekage I suppose, perhaps to gain his favour. I have more than enough power thanks to my Sage Mode, and I’m guessing Akatsuki would come after me eventually if I were to keep such a high-value target around.”

Sasori scoffed.

“As if you’d give up such ‘power’ just like that,” he said derisively, “That’s all you want, isn’t it? Power and more power?”

“Actually,” Orochimaru said, a little wistfully, “I find that I have all the power I need these days. Believe it or not, what I want most of all right now is to build. To create something that will endure.”

Sasori just looked at him. He had never encountered a man who knew what to say to get to him so infallibly. He wanted to hate Orochimaru. Ignoring him was not an option, he’d made that clear, and that was unacceptable. Feeling something for someone else was the worst mistake Sasori could make, he knew that, he knew how it ended. 

So he would be angry. Frustrated, fed up, annoyed. Emotions, true, unacceptable ones, but not  _ dangerous  _ ones. When someone gets you a gift you despise, you can be hurt, that they didn’t know you well enough, or you can be angry that they made a mistake. In the same way, when someone gets you the perfect gift, you can accept that they care enough about you to learn, or you can be angry that they gave you something without asking.

_ I didn’t ask for this. _

Sasori would have been ok on his own. He could get by with barely more chakra than a chunin, he had long ago accepted that he would never see his parents again, he had no problem with the Fourth Kazekage turning his child into nothing more than an unfeeling  _ weapon- _

So maybe Orochimaru understood him. He didn’t ask for that. It was presumptuous, it was arrogant, it was a gift he didn’t ask for. A gift he couldn’t allow himself to accept, a gift he had to scrutinize,  _ had to reject _ , because if he didn’t, then it was a gift he had to admit he wanted. 

_ I’m not equipped to process this. _

That was a gargantuan understatement. Sasori was literally missing several of the bodily functions that regulate emotions. That had seemed like a good idea at the time when the point was to distance himself from his emotions. The puppet-body was a means to that end, as was, of course, the pursuit of immortality. The immortal art.

“I am uninterested in gifts,” Sasori said, barely wresting control of his emotions, “However I have yet to see this ‘Edo Tensei’ employed, and I am curious as to its mechanism of action and effects. Let us proceed with the resurrection of-” he faltered, “of my parents, and I will decide how to proceed from there.”

“As you wish,” Orochimaru said casually, although his gaze remained penetrating, “Let us prepare the summoning circle.”

With that, conversation ceased, and Orochimaru began instructing Sasori in how to place the captives within the circle, as well as applying further seals around their unconscious bodies. That done, he assumed a position at the far end of the circle, closed his eyes, and began to channel the chakra necessary to perform not one, but two Edo Tensei summonings simultaneously.

“Once the summoning is complete,” the Snake Sannin said as the pressure from his chakra steadily built up, “I will apply the same seal that The White Snake Sage bestowed on me to your parents. If it is successful, you should be able to detect their chakra begin to change from Evil to Life.”

“Evil?”

“Yes, Evil chakra. It is its own type of chakra, like Life or Pure, most associated with the demons and devils that formerly inhabited this world. I believe our colleague Kakuzu makes heavy use of it, for example.”

Sasori wrinkled his nose at the memory of Kakuzu’s chakra signature, the first time they met and shook hands. Evil was an entirely apt description for the sense that chakra gave off.

_ Fuck Kakuzu. _

Sasori nodded instead of voicing that thought.

“Alright, I’m ready,” Orochimaru said, opening his eyes, and beginning to make a series of hand seals, “Please step back.”

Sasori did as he was instructed, and after probably a good  _ seventy  _ hand seals, Orochimaru took a deep breath, and then, biting his thumb to release some blood, stamped his hands on to the outer edge of the circle in the middle of the room.

There was a  _ disgusting, vile  _ surge of chakra that made Sasori feel as though he were going to vomit, which was a sensation he had forgotten since having removed his stomach. It did feel like Kakuzu’s chakra, but if Kakuzu was a dumpster fire of awful, then this was the entire junkyard ablaze. Sasori physically had to take a step back to avoid being knocked over from the foul pressure.

As he watched, the two bodies in the circle were engulfed in what looked like ashes, or scraps of paper, and they began to rise off the ground as if on strings. Gradually, the ash began to accumulate slower and slower, until it finally stopped. At the same time, features began to emerge on the now totally black silhouettes, the suggestion of clothing, of hair, and facial features, and finally, colour.

As this happened, the overwhelming aura of evil chakra began to diminish, and condense within the two bodies, until it was all but confined, at which point the two figures dropped an inch or so onto the ground, and stood. They seemed dazed, unsteady, and their backs were turned to Sasori.

“What- What is this?” Sasori heard one of the figures call out in a familiar voice.  _ His father’s voice _ . The same after, nearly twenty years.

“Where are we?” said the other figure, its voice identical to Sasori’s mother’s.

Sasori could not just look at them for even a second longer.

“M-mother? Father?” he ventured, prompting the two figures to turn to him. That was his parents. His mother. His father. They were dead, they were gone, and now they were standing in front of him,  _ talking to him. _

“Is that you, Sasori?” his father said, hesitantly. Sasori noticed that there were cracks in his parents’ complexions, and the sclerae of their eyes were grey. 

Silently, Orochimaru went up behind the two of them, and placed a seal on the backs of each of their necks. As soon as the seals touched their necks however, it was as if an electric current passed through their bodies, and both figures fell to their knees.The paper of the seal faded immediately, although the ink seemed to remain, almost tattooed onto their cracked, grey skin.

“Mom! Dad!” Sasori shouted, running forward to catch them both as they toppled. He was easily able to balance them, and so he kneeled before them, feeling their weight leaning into either side of him. 

Their touch was  _ cold, _ and it felt  _ wrong,  _ thick as it was with evil chakra, but this close to them he could feel it changing, the evil chakra evaporating as something so human as to be invisible took its place, something Sasori now recognized as Life Chakra. 

“Ah, Sasori,” his mother said, catching her breath and looking up at him, “You’ve grown so strong...even without us.”

“I-” Sasori began, but had no words to express his emotions.

“My boy, how you’ve grown,” Sasori’s father said, his voice breaking, and tears beginning to stream from his eyes. As Sasori watched, the cracks on his parents’ faces faded, and their skin and eyes regained normal colouration.

“Oh Sasori, my boy, my precious boy,” his mother sobbed as she broke into tears as well, “We’re sorry. We’re so sorry.”

“I-” Sasori said, finally remembering words, “I’m sorry, Mom, Dad, I’m sorry-”

“You’re sorry?” his Father said, looking at his son with such joy, such wonder that Sasori forgot everything he knew about himself. His father continued, “My boy, what could you have to be sorry for?”

“I…” Sasori said, not sure where to look, not sure what facial expression he could possibly make, “I can’t cry anymore. I’m...I’m so happy to see you again, and I want to cry, but- but I can’t, and I’m sorry-” 

“Well,” his mother said, tenderness and concern so plain across her face, “Can you still hug?”

Sasori’s eyes widened, and he nodded quickly. Without another word, his parents, kneeling beside him, both enveloped him in a warm, tight hug.

Sasori looked straight ahead, terrified of waking up, terrified of ruining this moment, and saw Orochimaru standing across the circle. Returning his gaze, the Snake Sannin merely bowed and turned towards the exit of the building, leaving Sasori blissfully together with his mother and father again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long, but it was hard to write for a number of reasons, as you may have guessed. The thing with Jirobo is big not-canon but he's such a boring character otherwise I couldn't see a reason Orochimaru would have him hanging around with all the other weirdoes. I do think it makes sense that Orochimaru would have gathered the Sound Four specifically to help his research, as opposed to from an assortment of random orphans.  
> Next Chapter Orochimaru and Sasori have to deal with Sasori's parents dying in a war against Konoha and Orochimaru's Seven kids from past relationshps. Kabuto is there too.


	7. Kabuto's First Day Off In Eight Months

Orochimaru closed the door, quietly, and left Sasori to reconnect. He had never felt less like a miserable failure than in that very moment. He felt a fierce sort of pride, a kind of defiance, seeing Sasori so overcome with emotion. 

_I did that_. 

And what’s more, Orochimaru did it with _his_ jutsu, his genius, his work. Well, technically the jutsu was created by the Second Hokage, but it might as well have belonged to Orochimaru for all the use he got out of it. He had bent it to his will, against Sarutobi’s.

_Ah, that’s it._

That was the source of the defiance. The memories came flowing back effortlessly, for all the pain they had once caused him. Orochimaru let them. He had a new perspective now,

He remembered that dark night, mere hours after he had returned from the front in Ame, Jiraiya absent, Tsunade so forlorn and broken that she may as well have been a ghost. He reported to Sarutobi-sensei, and watched his teacher age before his eyes. In that moment Sarutobi realized that two of his students were never going to become Hokage. That was the beginning of the end.

Flash forward to a week later, peace has been declared and Sarutobi has never been more secure in his position as Hokage, and yet never been more uncertain of the future. He takes Orochimaru aside, one day, to talk about the future of the village. To talk about the burdens, the responsibilities a Hokage must shoulder. Orochimaru had understood what his teacher was trying to tell him.

_Well I’m more than strong enough now._

He smiled, despite himself. He remembered all the arguments, with Sarutobi, with Jiraiya, with Tsunade. How they tried to convince him he was ‘losing sight of what was important.’ For some reason, it was an argument with Anko that stuck out to him. He had been berating her lack of resolve, and that had turned into a full on shouting match between the two. 

What was it that Anko had always responded when he criticized her ‘lifestyle choices?’ Something about ‘chosen family,’ perhaps? Orochimaru wondered idly what Sasori would think of that term. Kabuto would certainly be delighted.

_Ah, speaking of…_

As he came to a pause in the middle of his village’s courtyard, his young apprentice came running up to him, panting and out of breath,

“Huff...huff...I...the children…” Kabuto wheezed as he struggled to catch his breath, “I had them all...in bed...but Kidomaru...a distraction…now I can’t find Kimimaro...”

Orochimaru gave the boy a few more moments to compose himself.

“Thank you, Kabuto, you’ve done very well,” Orochimaru said sweetly, delighting at seeing his student’s eyes light up, “I believe I can find Kimimaro on my own. You may retire to your quarters for the night.”

Kabuto breathed a heavy sigh of relief, stood up straight and saluted, and then trodded off towards the repurposed storage shed Orochimaru had designated to be his young apprentice’s room. 

“Well,” Orochimaru said out loud, once Kabuto had gotten out of earshot, “Will you come out now, little one?”

To his right, an inconspicuous bag of rice leaning against one of the barracks walls disappeared in a puff of smoke, to be replaced by little Kimimaro.

“My, my, what a talented little boy you are,” Orochimaru said, smiling as he walked over to Kimimaro, who simply put his arms up in response.

“Up,” he said, and Orochimaru obliged, picking Kimimaro up and putting him on his shoulders. None of the other Sound Kids would _dare_ to order him around like that, but Kimimaro was his favourite, after all, and that afforded the young ninja certain privileges. Staying up past curfew, however, was not one of them.

“It is far past your bedtime, Kimimaro-kun,” Orochimaru chided, as they begin to walk towards Kimimaro’s quarters, “Did you stay up to spy on my dear husband and I?”

“Mhm,” Kimimaro said serenely, leaning against Orochimaru’s head, “Owochimawu made his pawents back?”

“Yes, that’s right. They were dead, but I brought them back because I am a kind and generous partner.”

“Can you do mine?” Kimimaro’s voice was quieter than usual, but otherwise perfectly placid. It broke Orochimaru’s heart anyway, just a little.

“Your parents were not very nice, as I recall,” Orochimaru reminded his young charge, “But I will revive them for you too, if you’d like.”

Kimimaro was silent for a minute. Orochimaru thought he had perhaps fallen asleep, but then the boy spoke up, in an even quieter voice this time.

“No...it’s OK. I’m tough.”

By the time Orochimaru made it to Kimimaro’s room, the boy was already asleep. Silently, Orochimaru tucked him in, and then made his way to his own private quarters. He wondered, idly, if he should show Sasori the guest quarters before he slept, but as soon as he hit the sheets the cumulative fatigue of over a week of running and shinobi business caught up with him, and he fell into a deep sleep.

~~~

When Orochimaru woke up the next morning he could hear sounds of children playing outside, and the sun was already beginning to peak over the walls of the ravine, meaning it was at least nine or ten in the morning. Later than he normally liked to get up, but given the circumstances he was willing to allow himself the rest. Yawning, which was truly a sight to behold for a man with such a malleable jaw, he put on a yukata that vaguely matched the Akatsuki colours of black and red, and went out to greet the day.

What he saw was truly shocking.

Gathered around the firepit near the center of his village stood Sasori and his parents, chatting amicably and tending what appeared to be a large pot of rice, as well as another pot of soup. The Sound Kids were seated nearby, devouring bowls of breakfast and running back for seconds and thirds. Kabuto was nowhere to be seen, and Gaara was cradled peacefully in Sasori’s arms.

As Orochimaru stood there, Sasori noticed him watching and beckoned him over with a lazy wave. He seemed so shockingly content, Orochimaru had trouble fathoming it. It took him a second to even realize Sasori was waving, but he did, and, blinking, made his way over to his partner.

“Here he is now,” Sasori said, addressing his parents as Orochimaru walked up, “Orochimaru, may I introduce you to my parents?”

“So good to meet my son’s husband,” Sasori’s dad said, bowing to Orochimaru.

“Sasori’s told us so much about you!” his mother added, bowing as well.

“Ah,” Orochimaru said, gaze flicking rapidly from Sasori to his parents and back multiple times, “And I’m quite happy to finally meet the parents of my-” he looked at Sasori uncertainly, “Husband?”

“Oh I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Sasori’s father said, holding his hands up in surrender, “Sasori told us that’s not what you call it under ‘Scorpion Law.’ I mean _partner_ of course. I’m still getting use to things, haha.”

“Yes, that sort of thing is just fine with us,” Sasori’s mother added quickly, “We’re just happy to meet our new son-in-Scorpion-law and our little _grandson!_ ” 

As she said that, Sasori’s mother tickled little baby Gaara, who giggled adorably as he squirmed to avoid the tickling. Orochimaru’s eyes widened and he looked at Sasori who smiled evilly for a second before speaking up.

“Ah, looks like Sasoro needs a diaper change,” he said mildly, “Orochimaru, care to show me where you keep your diapers around here?”

“Uh, gladly,” Orochimaru responded, gesturing awkwardly for Sasori to follow him. He improvised a direction, and ended up taking them to a storage shed filled with bags of rice. 

“ _Our grandson,”_ Orochimaru hissed as soon as they were safe inside the cramped storage shed, “And you named him _SASORO?_ ” 

“Sh,” Sasori said reproachfully, “Don’t hiss around the baby, and don’t get mad at me, I had to do a lot of improvisation last night, and we never talked about baby names.”

“Oh my, well however could we have forgotten to do that?” Orochimaru said, outrage mounting, “And what do you mean ‘last night?’ What were you doing last night that required improv?”

“Well after you left and I cried for another hour, my parents and I got to talking and I had to explain a lot of unusual circumstances to them, including the fact that we had a small, red-haired baby in our possession.”

“Sasori, I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” Orochimaru rebuked, ”But there are a lot of children in my possession! You could have just said he’s an orphan!”

“Orochimaru, if you can’t keep your voice down I’m going to ask you to leave. This seemed more believable. As for your the Sound Kids-”

“Do NOT call them that that implies that this in some way a Sound village which is NOT necessarily true-”

Sasori paused and gave him a stern look for interrupting.

“...Anyway, I told my parents that the orphans were yours from past relationships.”

Orochimaru’s eyes looked like they were going to come out of their sockets, which was something he could actually do but wasn’t actively trying to do in that particular instance, but Sasori raised his eyebrows and repeated that same stern look, so Orochimaru suppressed his outrage, barely.

“My boy,” Orochimaru said evenly, “What if your parents asked literally _any_ of the children about your story? They would reveal your lie immediately!”

“Actually, we did end up talking to a lot of the kids, and they pretty much all agreed that you’re their dad, except for Jirobo, who maintained that he has another family in Konoha, but that you are still kind of his dad too. It was actually pretty sweet.”

“I-” Orochimaru was at a loss for words. “What about Kabuto?”

“Your apprentice. That one I don’t think was actually a lie?”

“No, that’s...more or less true. What about the fact that, you know, your parents _died_ and _were dead_ and now they’re not?”

“Uh, yeah, that one was a bit of a stretch,” Sasori admitted sheepishly, “I told them that by combining your formidable biological jutsu technology with my lifelike puppets and advanced chakra seals, we were able to resurrect them in a completely revolutionary technique that’s thus far never been attempted. That’s...technically true too, I think? I didn’t mention that we killed my grandfather and Sasoro’s uncle to do it, but I think that’s more or less just a white lie.”

“Mhm,” Orochimaru said through gritted teeth, “Mhm, that’s pretty much true. Any other tales of whimsy I should know about before I go in front my parents-in-law?”

“Scorpion-law.”

“Don’t start.”

“Just trying to get our story straight, Orochimaru. Now let’s see, what else is there? Hm...take Sasoro for a second, would you?”

Sasori handed a bubbly infant Gaara, also known as Sasoro, to his father-slash-kidnapper Orochimaru, and put a hand to his chin to think. Orochimaru needed so badly to cuss out his partner-in-crime, but he was forced instead to suppress that staggering amount of killing intent in order to avoid spooking little Gaara/Sasoro.

_I kind of thought Sasori’s parents would be cold and distant like mine were when I brought them back. Do people actually...enjoy parenting?_

Orochimaru began to ponder the situation a little more deeply.

“We talked for so long, you know? It’s hard to remember everything we said,” Sasori said, still deep in thought, “Turns out that mother and father don’t need to eat or sleep either, I guess as a consequence of their zombie physiology, so we pretty much talked all night and all morning, up until the kids started waking up.”

“Then, well, they were hungry, and, you know my parents, they can’t resist feeding a hungry kid, let alone seven, so we whipped up a big batch of TKG and they seemed to like it. Kabuto came out, eventually, but I told him that you had said he had done such a good job that he should take today off, and he started crying _right away_ , then went back to bed. I think he’s probably still asleep.”

_Hm, now I thought Kabuto DID like being the sole caretaker of seven traumatized children for months on end. He grew up in an orphanage right? He should have been used to it._

Sasori spoke up again.

“Mm, yeah, that seems like everything. Did I miss anything, Sasoro-kun?”

“Ah-bah,” Sasoro replied, shaking his head.

“Don’t respond to that name,” Orochimaru said in shock to Gaara, not Sasoro, before looking back at Sasori, “And _you_ _absolutely_ have more to explain. For example, your parents said you told them ‘so much about me.’ That seems like it might be a sticking point, given that, and perhaps you didn’t know this, I’m from the same village as the man who killed them in the first place You know, in the war in which I also fought?

“Ah, you’re right, I _was_ forgetting something,” Sasori said, nodding in agreement, “So yes, that was a bit of a sore subject. Fortunately, it seems like nobody really knew who you were back then. They died before you became known as one of the Sannin, in fact, so I told them you were actually a defector from Konoha, and had gone missing-nin to protest the war against Suna.”

“Well, that’s clearly an airtight explanation, but I seem to recall that I am not the only missing-nin in this family, my boy. Are your parents aware of that?”

“Right, as for me, I explained that I went missing-nin because my parents were killed in the war and it caused me extreme emotional trauma which I’ve only just begun to work through.”

_Ouch._

“OK that...that’s fair.”

“Thank you. Now, we’ve been in here for quite a while, so we’re going to have to go back out there and face them, but there’s one last thing before we do.”

“OK?”

“I wasn’t able to think of a reason that Sasoro should be a jinchuurki-”

“Maybe because _Gaara_ is the one who’s a jinchu-”

“-Don’t interrupt. Anyway, I’ve just been hiding his seal and trying to change the subject whenever the Ichibi comes up. I’m hoping they don’t notice, but we’re going to have to speed along the bijuu transfer process because there’s only so long I can keep them from looking at his stomach and seeing the seal. My mom in particular seems intent on tickling his little tummy.”

“...”

Sasori took Orochimaru’ silence to mean comprehension, rather than abysmal exasperation, and so began to leave, speaking brightly as he did so.

“Great, good talk, glad we’re partners, also don’t forget that you love Suna and also children which is why we have so many OK byeeeee~!” With that, Sasori retrieved Gaara from a stunned Orochimaru, and exited the storage shed. Orochimaru stood there blinking for a moment, then turned and numbly followed his partner back out.

He was immediately, forcibly entered into conversation with Sasori’s parents.

“Ah, Orochimaru, you really need to work on your diaper changing speed, ahaha!”

“Tell me, my scorpion-son-in-law, how many different relationships are these adorable little children from, and in precisely what order were they born? Are their mothers still in the picture?”

“My mom is in Konoha,” Jirobo said, in the background.

Orochimaru contorted his face into a smile, and began to converse.

~~~

The next few hours were, for Orochimaru, something out of a nightmare. Sasori’s parents were fixated on his relationship with their son, which forced Orochimaru to improvise numerous fake romantic scenarios to tell them about. Now, had he already been entertaining romantic notions about his partner, prior to this questioning? Of course. He’s only human. Sasori was after all a shockingly beautiful young man, but it’s one thing to develop feelings for your hot work associate, and another thing entirely to start cohabiting with them and their parents and your child and seven other children, and Kabuto. The marital bliss was entirely lost on Orochimaru, and Sasori was too preoccupied with his parents to pay any attention to his partner’s increasingly obvious attempts to signal his discomfort.

It wasn’t until late in the afternoon, when Sasori’s parents agreed to put on an impromptu puppet show for the Sound kids, that Orochimaru was able to pull Sasori away to his quarters, bringing a sleepy Sasoro- _NO,_ a sleepy _Gaara_ \- with them. Orochimaru was at the end of his rope, but Sasori had been in such a dreamy, blissed-out state all day that Orochimaru had to call his name several times to get him to pay attention. 

“OK, OK, I’m listening,” Sasori said, finally, looking up from the sweet baby he was carrying.

“Yes, you’d better be,” Orochimaru said accusingly, “I know you’re having a great time in Orochimaru’s Wonderland-”

“Village Hidden in the Sound,” Sasori corrected him.

“NO,” Orochimaru said, startling little Gaara, who began to look around. Orochimaru added, more quietly, “Don’t you even _start_ with that. I won’t have Sasoro spreading that to other villages.”

Sasori seemed like he was going to say something, but stopped himself, smiling instead. Orochimaru continued.

“Now your parents are distracted and so are the children, so this is the perfect time to transfer the bijuu,” Orochimaru said quickly, “Does that sound agreeable? Are we on the same page?”

“That _sounds_ good to me, Soundkage,” Sasori said coyly, “But I’m still not 100% sure how this is even supposed to work. I don’t think you’ve really explained to me what Bijuu chakra even is in the first place.”

“OK,” Orochimaru said, “I know that you’re going to turn on the autoresponder as soon as I start explaining things again, and I am giving you permission this _one time_ , but when I start talking about the important parts I need your full attention again,”

“Yes, dear,” Sasori said in a robotic voice, without looking up or moving his mouth as he played quietly with a bubbly baby Sasoro, “Please recap your [WEIRD CHAKRA THEORIES] for me.”

“Alright,” Orochimaru began, “Before I explain Bijuu chakra let’s just give a brief reminder of how we got to this point.” As he spoke, Orochimaru performed a series of quick handseals, making several black circles appear in the air before him, which gradually filled in with his words.

“Now, to begin:

  * The chakra we normally associate with jutsu is called Pure Chakra. It is the generic ‘chakra’ that powers otherwise physically impossible actions like walking on water, or duplicating a thrown shuriken dozens of times.
  * All varieties of elemental affinities are contained within the scope of Pure Chakra, for example the “Doton: Mud Wall Jutsu” or the “Katon: Fireball Jutsu.” All ninja have access to Pure Chakra, and some have particularly strong access to one or more of the elements, which we call elemental affinities, and they are able to perform jutsu of that type more easily, and with greater precision and power.
  * All ninja, and in fact all living things, also possess Life Chakra, which exists ambiently in the bodies of living things, rather than being drawn from some other place the way Pure Chakra is. This chakra is used for things like the Akimichi clan’s “Body Expansion Jutsu” and Hashirama Senju’s “Mokuton: Wood Release Jutsu*” as well as in taijutsu and medical jutsu. 
  * Beyond being a type of chakra, however, Life Chakrais intrinsically linked to the ‘life force’ of living things as well. In the same way that if your organs fail, you die, if your body’s connection your Life Chakra is somehow broken, you will also die.
  * We haven’t talked much about Evil Chakra, but it is basically the source of all the demonic, evil powers observed in this world. Kakuzu uses it(“Fuck that guy,” Sasori interjects, covering Sasoro’s ears briefly), the Sharingan uses it, and Tayuya uses it with her Evil Flute, among others. It is literally provided by Demons in Hell, and works very differently from all other kinds of chakra. Typically, some sort of contract is involved, or a curse.
  * Sage Chakra is similar to Pure Chakra in that it exists ambiently, but it has the special property of being attracted to itself, and therefore tends to cluster in certain places, and, when harnessed by a shinobi, it gathers in and transforms their physical body.”



“Still there?” Orochimaru asked, as he finished writing out the recap for Sasori, “I’m going to talk about the stuff that actually pertains to our current situation now.”

Sasori looked up and gave his partner a thumbs up, which was immediately grasped by little Sasoro’s tiny baby hands. Nodding, Orochimaru swiped his hand vertically and pushed the floating text upwards, before performing the same jutsu and speaking again.

“Now, regarding you and me in particular,

  * We first learned about Life Chakra in the context of your puppet body, Sasori. I was surprised that you were able to maintain a connection between your Life Chakra and your body, since all that remained of your original, human body was your heart and brain. This is when we learned about your Life Chakra Stabilizing Seals,which you developed in order to circumvent this very problem.
  * These Life Chakra Stabilizing Seals seem to forcibly bind one’s Life Chakra to, it would seem, any suitable vessel, and replace one’s regular human body’s ability to generate Life Chakra by slowly degrading whatever physical vessel bears the seals, as well as absorbing some ambient chakra from one’s surroundings. This is functionally a form of immortality, provided your vessel is properly maintained and protected.
  * As for me, Orochimaru, I was able to apply your Life Chakra Stabilizing Seals to my own, physical body, to alleviate my personally weak connection to my Life Chakra** and this in turn allowed my body to sustain the effects of gathering Sage Chakra, which in turn allowed me to achieve Sage Mode. 
  * You, Sasori, would be unable to obtain Sage Mode, because your body is physically unable to contain it. Only living things, like the various Animal Tribes with which ninja form summoning contracts, and ninja themselves, can accumulate Sage Chakra in any significant quantity.
  * Furthermore, since you only have your heart and brain to store Life Chakra, and porcelain or whatever material makes up your puppet-body does not store chakra innately, you, Sasori, have extremely limited chakra quantities.
  * Therefore, Bijuu Chakra.



“Ah,” Sasori said, speaking up, “I heard a new word. Are we at the interesting part yet?”

“I think all of this is interesting,” Orochimaru replied, somewhat sullenly, “But yes, this is where we get to the Bijuu, Jinchuuriki, and how we’re going to make you appropriately powerful for the caliber of ninja with which you associate, namely, me.”

“Alright, and how will becoming a jinchuuriki accomplish that?”

“Well, the history of the jinchuuriki, and in turn the Bijuu, and how they came to be is complicated, but it can be summarized as this: The Sage of Six Paths was able to harness a great amount of chakra, and then make it physically manifest in the real world as the creatures we know know of as the Tailed-Beasts. These are literally manifestations of chakra, in the same way that say a Shadow Clone is-”

“Shadow Clone?”

“Ugh, right, you’re not from Konoha. Does ‘Sand Clone’ make more sense?”

“Oh, of course. Everyone knows how to make Sand Clones. Please continue.”

“Right. Well, you can think of the Tailed-Beasts as essentially big, walking ‘Sand Clones,’ except rather than representing some fraction of an adult ninja’s chakra, they represent something like hundreds, or even thousands of times as much.”

“Whoa.” Sasori looked down at Sasoro, slightly nervously. The baby with hundreds of times the chakra reserves of an adult was sucking on his thumb and making cute noises.

“Yes, ‘whoa.’ They are a walking force of nature, and those who are able to harness that chakra for themselves have seemingly no limit to the power they can achieve. So we’re going to put that Bijuu inside you like a not-so-little battery, and hopefully you will be able to harness its power to make big puppets or a long chakra-thread...I’m sure you’ll think of something creative.”

“Wow,” Sasori said simply, apparently still reeling from the shock of what Orochimaru had exposited. A thought crossed his mind, and he looked down at Sasoro again, this time appearing concerned. 

“Will Sasoro be OK afterwards?” Sasori asked, sounding suddenly very defensive.

“I see no reason why not,” Orochimaru said lightly, “In fact it might even be a good thing for the boy. I’ve heard that Bijuu can be quite disruptive to their hosts, poisoning their thoughts and such. In fact, I suppose that’s something you should consider before we go through with this. I’ve heard that the One-Tails is particularly nasty.”

“Well, if I can’t handle it we can just take it out again, right?”

“Of course. So, does that mean you’re ready to do this? To transfer the Ichibi from young Sasoro to you?”

“Yes,” Sasori said firmly, hugging Sasoro a little tighter, “I’m ready.”

“OK.”

“OK.”

“...”

“...”

They stood in silence for a moment. Eventually, Orochimaru spoke.

“So, uh, my boy, are you...going to...perform the, uh, sealing jutsu?”

“What? What sealing jutsu?”

“Well, I was told that your grandmother made the seal currently housing the Ichibi…”

“Yes, she did, but I’m pretty sure she just made it up on the spot. It looks pretty shoddy to me.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to say anything, but I can’t help but agree. The Uzumaki’s seals, back when they were more of a village and less of a smoking crater, seemed far more complete and coherent.”

“I can imagine. So yeah, go ahead and give me one of those ‘Uzumaki Seals’ I guess.”

“But I don’t...Wait,” Orochimaru said, putting up his hands, “Let’s just be clear here. Sasori, do you know how to break Sasoro’s seal and then perform a new sealing ritual?”

“No, I assumed you did, since it was your plan.”

“...I do not.”

They both groaned loudly at the realization of their shared stupidity. Sasoro babbled happily at the sound, and clapped his little hands together. At that moment, Sasori’s smart-rock began to chime a small ringtone,signaling an incoming call. 

Handing Sasoro to Snake Oro, he pulled out the rock and answered the call, prompting a small hologram of Pain’s face to appear directly over the rock.

“Sasori, it’s been over a week since I sent you to Suna to gather intelligence. Please make your report. How did things go?”

“Badly,” Sasori said flatly, “Sandstorm again. Sorry.” He threw his rock out the window, and into the ravine outside. Pain’s voice could be heard asking for clarification and for Sasori to ‘Please Report. Sasori. Report.” 

Orochimaru and Sasori leaned out the window to watch it fall, and then looked at each other. Orochimaru raised his eyebrows. Sasori grinned. Orochimaru grinned right back.

“I suppose that buys us some time,” Sasori said, looking downright mischievous.

“Indeed it does, my boy,” Orochimaru agreed, “Shall we begin some groundbreaking research into fuinjutsu and the art of sealing Bijuu?”

“Mm,” Sasori hummed, “Maybe after dinner.”

That seemed agreeable enough, and the two partners left to go see if they could help with the cooking and wrangling the rest of the kids.

~~~

With a new research agenda in mind, and a secondary goal of avoiding their work-related responsibilities, Orochimaru and Sasori set out to develop a suitable method of transferring the One-Tailed Beast from the child-formerly-known-as-Gaara, Sasoro, to the puppet currently known as Sasori. Progress was slow, but then again, they felt no real sense of urgency, and, to Orochimaru’s surprise, familial life was beginning to grow on him.

Yes, at first it had been somewhat of a balancing act. He had enough trouble keeping the Sound kids straight when it was just him and Kabuto, and it was difficult indeed to remember all their birthdays, interests, and fictional backstories to the level of scrutiny set forth by his and their new parents in law, aka Mr. and Mrs. Sasori.

“Please, just call me ‘mom’!” Sasori’s mother had said to him, early on, while trying in vain to get past Orochimaru’s defenses and tickle little Sasoro’s precious tummy. Orochimaru had been certain that they would have a more appropriate canon name than ‘Mr. and Mrs. Sasori,’ but in truth it was easier for him this way, and Sasori didn’t seem to mind, so he ran with it. 

While Orochimaru was somewhat reluctant to accept these new parental figures who were, in fact, slightly younger than him, the Sound Kids were absolutely ecstatic. It seemed that Orochimaru’s erratic and distant parenting style, combined with Kabuto’s helpful model of obedient deference, had resulted in a group of children who were absolutely _desperate_ for parental approval, and this was something that the Elder Sasoris were all too happy to provide.

They were, after all, parents, and practically toymakers, when you considered the puppet obsession, and their last memories before dying had been intense regret at not having been able to raise their precious son. They seemed to be trying to make up for lost time, the way they doted on Orochimaru’s little ones, cooking and cleaning and teaching them, but if Sasori was jealous of their attention towards the Sound Kids and baby Sasoro, he didn’t show it.

Of course, that wasn’t to say that he didn’t show emotions at all, because slowly but surely, he was beginning to be more expressive in their day to day life. The anger and annoyance which Orochimaru had worked so hard to cultivate since they became partners gave way to joy, wistfulness, admiration, and, to Orochimaru’s great pleasure, mischievousness.

As for pleasure...well, Sasori and Orochimaru had jointly agreed that putting on a more ‘romantically intimate’ performance would probably be a good idea to keep up appearances and also to ‘help the children develop a model for healthy, adult relationships.’ Yes, that was something Orochimaru actually said, out loud, sincerely, and without trying to be manipulative.

“We should practice, before we try to do it for real.” That was something Sasori had said, while they were alone in Orochimaru’s quarters one day, nearly causing Orochimaru to choke on his rice tea. Kissing had been what Sasori meant. Obviously. 

“Well, I don’t know!” Orochimaru had responded, exasperated, “That’s not obvious to me! I’m not used to you being so forthcoming all the time, I don’t know!”

Sasori rolled his eyes- that was an emotive gesture he used far too much in Orochimaru’s opinion - and dropped his pants to reveal- nothing. Just a smooth pelvis and hips where leg joints connected on either side. Like a Ninja Ken doll. 

“I’m not into that sort of thing,” he said flatly, pulling his pants back up in a smooth motion with the help of chakra threads, “And also, my parents and like, nine minors are right outside. Now come over here and kiss me.”

Orochimaru went to oblige but was physically held at arm’s reach. Well, Sasori’s arms reach. Orochimaru’s was, last he measured, a good 30 feet.

“No tongue,” his partner said sternly, while the hint of a smile betrayed his stoic facade.

So Orochimaru leaned in, his lips met Sasori’s- soft lips? How? Maybe silicon?- and immediately Kabuto burst into the room yelling something about Juugo going on another rampage. They would be interrupted in this manner a number of times over the coming days, until a stern talk was required with Kabuto to discuss boundaries, and also how it was ‘perfectly OK for two consenting adults to express their affection for each other by kissing.’ Yes, that was also something Orochimaru literally said, and to his young apprentice Kabuto no less. 

At that point it became clear to him. He had transcended ninjutsu, kinjutsu, even senjutsu and Sage Mode were beneath him, for Orochimaru had obtained true power: 

Dad Mode.

He found the change difficult to explain even to himself, but perhaps that was to be expected. He didn’t feel comfortable sharing this with Sasori, who he knew was undergoing something of a change himself, but at least the latter had his parents with whom to talk things through. Orochimaru had tried talking with Lord Manda about parenthood, family life, and so on, but Manda had taken to the conversation _way_ too enthusiastically, and all Orochimaru ended up getting out of it was a greater appreciation for snake reproduction than even he was comfortable having.

The biggest difference he could pinpoint in himself, which was trivial to identify, was the realization that he might truly be immortal. He had been chasing that spectre for years, degrading and defiling himself just to graze the feeling, but now it seemed he had found it, secured it, and mastered it. Not only that, he _shared_ it with one of the most brilliant men he had ever met. Should his body wear out, he could flee to a new one that would then persist indefinitely with the help of Sasori’s seals. If, instead, he should die- an unlikely proposition, considering the strength he had gained with Sage Mode- he could be revived with Edo Tensei, and then again made immortal with Sasori’s seals. 

So that was a weight off his shoulders, but it wasn’t precisely the source of his new found zest for life. It had more to do with Sasori, he thought, how the man looked at him so serenely. The way they complemented each other so well, working together seamlessly in the lab, the way Sasori was firm when Orochimaru was indecisive, persistent when Orochimaru felt despair. 

It was, more than anything...a relief. He felt, for the first time in his life, that he didn’t have to worry about running out of time, about never being enough. He was enough. There and then, he was enough, and things were really, finally good.

Of course, it didn’t last.

~~~

After a month of researching, refining, and testing, the day had finally come for them to perform the bijuu-transfer. They had wanted to put it off longer, but Sasoro was getting bigger, and Sasori’s mother was begging Sasori to let her measure the baby so she could sew him some new clothes. This would certainly reveal the seal on baby Sasoro’s stomach, and then there would be some serious explaining to do. There was no time left.

Orochimaru proposed and Sasori agreed that they should perform the ritual elsewhere, in case something went wrong, as unlikely as that would be. Orochimaru further suggested that it would be beneficial for him to have sufficient chakra to enter Sage Mode, on the off chance that something should go wrong, and as such Ryuuchi Cave seemed the obvious choice of location. Sasori expressed concern that something like the Kyuubi’s attack on Konohagakure could perhaps happen with the Ichibi, but Orochimaru assured him that that was unlikely.

After all, it was probably Madara Uchiha who had caused that to happen, and what were the odds that he would want to interfere with Sasori and Orochimaru’s precious little life? Besides, the only people who could even _possibly_ find them would be the Akatsuki, and they still thought Orochimaru and Sasori were in Sunagakure. Finally, Orochimaru had of course put up a protective set of seals around the village to conceal it and detect any intruders, which would alert both him and Kabuto and give everyone a chance to run or hide should someone try to assault the village. Anyone trying to get in would need some kind of _space-time ninjutsu_ to get past those, and that kind of jutsu was impossibly rare, and certainly not something Madara had ever been capable of. 

Sasori felt very comforted by these disparate pieces of information, so they packed for a day trip, told his parents they were going to see a doctor for Sasoro’s monthly checkup, and left the village without a second thought, on their way to Ryuuchi Cave. As they passed over the bridge out of the ravine and back to the forest, the wind gusted around them, causing the bells nearby to jingle and the many rock formations to whistle. 

Perhaps it was because of this pleasant din that they didn’t notice the faint ringing of a small, round stone, at the bottom of the ravine, the call it signaled completely hidden in the sound. 

♪

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hashirama’s Wood Release also uses Water and Earth chakra. Combining Pure Chakra with Life Chakra as Hashirama and the Senju Clan does, or Pure Chakra with Evil Chakra as the Sharingan does, is a feat associated with kekkei genkais, and is essentially synonymous with them. Tenzo/Yamato is able to perform Wood Release because he is distantly related to the Senju Clan.   
> **I wrote a fic explaining why Orochimaru has a particularly weak connection to his Life Chakra, but the sparksnote version is: genetics, being bitten by a big snake, advanced lung cancer, and, ironically, constantly using his body-changing Jutsu. 
> 
> Here is the real Chapter 7, any rumours of a different chapter 7 should be disregarded and forgotten.   
> This was probably the most entertaining Chapter I've written so far. I didn't intend to do this, but this fic has sort of had a jaunt through a lot of different tropes: fix-it, angst, comedy, and now fluff. Hm, it looks like I left out Major Character Death and Epic Fight Scenes. Maybe I'll find an opportunity for that later :3


End file.
